I only logged back on because people were courteous enough to answer my questions in a non-judgmental fashion.
You are right. Cheating isn't a big deal, loyalty is as is respect. And, during our bad time, she acted out with an extremism that showed a lack of both. It is only her pleading, her willingness to come clean about everything (eventually), and the fact that her behavior was so over the top that it screamed of a problem, that allowed me to even consider staying.
Maybe it was just our problems that caused her to go off the deep end. Maybe it was that in conjunction with Swinging. Having swung, intermittently, with people over our first ten years, I would think that if it was the taste of swinging that caused her to cut loose, she would have done it far earlier than our 11th year, since we had swung, in some form or another, during that time. It was only during our problem time that she began to mis-behave. Now we have 4 years of good behavior to refer back on. Never-the-less, you are correct. Why chance it? So, I won't.
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Originally Posted by sereneiders We've been togheter for 17 years. No one "cheated" on each other, even when we granted each other "permission" to do it should we meet someone able to make it happen, just with a "don't tell" policy, and at some point we started swinging.
Up to me, cheating isn't such a big deal. Loyalty is, and loyalty have to do with the contract you arranged for your relationship (and not a signed paper). Cheating may or may not imply a lack of loyalty.
Can spouses who have cheated ever be trusted with Swinging again? perhaps. Can spouses who have been unloyal ever be trusted with Swinging again? I doub't so, unless a lot of water passed under the bridge.
Again, there's no "yes" or "no". Ask someone else. |