[incommunicado]

I am still reading this but I am awfully sick of this thread. You say it's not about right or wrong, and then pull another out of context quote to try to prove me wrong.

This thread was never about about this and you and others have made it such.

Answer my question. Tell me yes. Tell me no. Tell me you don't know enough about us, about the situation, about the cosmos, about whatever to answer my question. But, stop picking little, out of context quotes to try to analyze more than needs to be anlalyzed.

I'm done rephrasing this, in some vain attempt to get you all to understand that we got past our dark time, YEARS have past, and are ready to move on and MAY be ready for this but could use some insight.

Will we swing? Maybe, maybe not. Do I think swinging played a part in her behavior before? Yes. Do I think it could trigger it again? Maybe. That's why I asked the question. If there's no easier answer, fine.

Let me repeat a question I asked in an earlier post that has gone unanswered. How many of you have walked away from a decade or more of good marriage, because your spouse cheated? What's YOUR story? How easy was it for you to walk away? How sure are you that you were right to do so?

Enough about me, let's talk about you.

Originally Posted by sereneiders

Well, I hope you're still reading this.

This isn't about who's right or who's wrong, and I don't want to prove you right or wrong either.

Should ny wife ever cheated on me, would I swing? Even if attempting to extrapolate your scenario to mine, MY personal answer wouldn't help you. It isn't a matter of will, but just the nature of the way we all think: when we have missing data, we figure it out based on our personal experience. No matter how much you tell, there would be more missing pieces than the ones you provided, thus any advice would be biased to our personal experience. You wouldn't be able to even treat the answers statistically, because every one of us (including yourself) is a different world.

Being aware of this, should I say "GO FOR IT", or "DON'T", even if I honestly believe this could be missleading you? Sorry but, I wont.

I just tried to stick to the provided data, and make some hypotesis hoping them to be able to help you figure out the answers you're looking for, by yourself. I don't know enough to make statements about you and your relationship. You're the only one able to tell if what I said is right or wrong. This could go on with you telling me "hey dude, you're wrong about this, you're right about that", without taking it personally.

Now, I'll tell you what I got from your words:



This tells a lot about where you are. I may be wrong, of course, but, if that happend and it is a closed chapter, and closed in a way that would allow you two to swing, with the requirements for honesty this implies for most of us, then... why don't you know exactly how many men she had sex with? Why you're still relying on what you discovered, and not in your wife's words for it (given for granted you already talked about this)?

This paragraph tells me you MAY BE still in the dark about a lot of what happened. Yet, it is just a clue, a "MAY BE", thus, it isn't enough for me to advice you against swinging.

You may not want to know, perhaps you two figured out a way to fix the relationship requiring to avoid addressing some subjects that could be hurtfull, and I am asking here if the same you did, proving to be enough to fix your problems, would be enough to engange in swinging. The fact is, this is a mere conjeture, one of many ways to "explain" why you had chosen your words: I DON'T KNOW, moreover, IT ISN'T MY BUSINESS since you didn't address this point.

However, I believe this should be enough food for tought, that MAY BE here is a big clue for your answer.

And notice, I didn't make any judgment here about you, about your wife, nor about your relationship. Just about the words ringing my bell.

It is up to you to take or leave this. But if you pick it up to just to beat me up because of what I said, I am entitled to suppose I may be touching an open wound, perhaps one you don't want to aknowledge... and AGAIN, I may be wrong.

And I don't care who's right or wrong here, this outcome doesn't affect my life, the only that matters here is what ultimatelly affects YOURS.