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Originally Posted by incommunicado --THAT'S ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT. WAIT, WAS YOUR FRIEND AT THE END OF NEARLY A YEAR OF TERRIFYING FINANCIAL INSTABILITY WITH ONLY A MONTH BEFORE HE AND HIS WIFE LOST EVERYTHING AND WERE PENNILESS AND HOMELESS? IF SO, THEN YES, OUR STORY IS THE SAME. EITHER WAY, IT'S NO EXCUSE, BUT IT'S A REASON FOR TEMPORARY INSANITY. AND WE DON'T SWING ANYMORE EITHER.
--THAT'S EXACTLY MY POINT. DO I TRUST THAT IT WAS COMPLETELY SITUATIONAL, OR DO I ERR ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION THAT SWINGING GAVE HER A SENSE OF FREEDOM THAT IS BEST NOT FELT. AND, YOU ARE RIGHT. PEOPLE CAN STAY ON GOOD BEHAVIOR AS LONG AS IT BENEFITS THEM. I GUESS PART OF TRUST IS TRUSTING THAT SHE DIDN'T PLEAD FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THEN SPENT THE LAST 4 YEARS BEING GOOD OUT OF OPPORTUNISM.
--WE HAVE NO NEED TO ACTUALLY SWAP. JUST A LITTLE SPICE WOULD BE NICE. |
As far as my friend is concerned, yes the financial situation was nearly the same. They were getting ready to be kicked out of their home, he was having trouble finding/keeping a job, she wasn't working at the time to stay home with their children, ect.
For the 'good behavior' of the last few years, only she (and you) have your reasons for staying or not wanting to end things. You know, as do I, it's alot easier to be with someone when things are going well. I was not questioning if you considered yourself a family without children, but there are people out there that are married for 20 or 30 years and would still part ways after learning of multiple infidelities. Some stick around because of financial reasons, they do the math and realize that they can not support themselves in a particular lifestyle and it's easier to do some things with 2 incomes. Well all have our reasons for doing the things that we do, there is no one size fits all.
If all you are looking for is spice, then maybe a sexually charged atmosphere (a swing club) and the exihibishion-istic (not even sure if that's a word..
) side of having other people watch you have sex/play might be the ticket? You get a little spice added b/c of the atmosphere and the openess, but you aren't quite jumping into the trickier waters of partner swap. Not sure if the vacationing idea with the single male would be a good idea, she might think it's ok to be more 'liberal' with him at other times as well.
I would definitely broach the topic with her and see what her thoughts are. Maybe she's scared to get back into any lifestyle activites because of what happened before? See if she just liked the atmosphere, and where she stands in general?
You seem to have put yourself on the defensive....however I DID go back and read your posts and replies on the previous thread (before I posted my previous reply) where your wife was chatting, sending pics and emails and you set up a user name and was chatting with her and all that (just to summarize). Unfortunately, we really aren't trying to offend you here, but when you ask for people's opinions, some of them are not going to be to your liking.
Again, just my 2 cents worth. Let us know how things turn out.
Maria
