Oh dear. Is there no one out there who isn't looking to read far more into this than they are supposed to? Even my choice of screen name is called into question as having some deep rooted meaning.
I have re-read my posts, past and present, on the subject. Addressing the present only, I think they were VERY clear, in all their detail. There is nothing to be misread and no way to be mislead. They all say, basically, "Had problems. Problems long gone. Return to swinging? Yes? No?" Why don't all of you get that?
Some of you have said, "Yes, this can be done." Some have said, "no, there's a risk it could trigger something in her". These are helpful and what I was looking for (never wanted anyone to tell me exactly what I wanted to hear). But, far too many of you have tried to use a small overview of background info, to tell me we still have problems, even though I have been clear that our troubles are over, but I just want to be cautious.
Let's get back to the screen name. I've had it since way before we hit our rough patch. It was from a joke in a BUGS BUNNY cartoon! It doesn't say ANYTHING about me. No secrets. No deep rooted this or that. No Spanish, no Latin. No "Isolated" or "Alone". It represents privacy and my feeling that this is a private activity. Nothing more.
It's funny, and more than a little scary. When I had real problems and I turned to the group for support, I gave tons of information and got mostly supportive responses (work it out, get therapy, love can prevail, you can work past this). When I finally had the big picture, and told the group we were working it out, I was met with 90+% "YAYYYY! Happy Ending!". Even Julie followed up with me a few times privately to see how I was doing. But, this time, I give some basic background and ask if we can return to swinging after healing from a bad patch in your relationship, and it's like the 10% or less of the negative people from before, make up 90% of my replies. All giving their dime-store analysis based on very little information that should be taken at face value ("had problems, problems done. Swing again? yes? no?") and reading WAAAYYY to much into it. Come on, the SCREEN NAME?
Now, since I obviously don't own this thread anymore, and I have gotten very little helpful response actually addressing my question. I will now leave the thread to the group. If my calculations are correct, the next postings will be peppered with out of context quotes from my postings, in an attempt to prove me wrong, on whatever level the writers choose to fixate.
Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.
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Originally Posted by sereneiders Well, it was said "It is easy to have many women. What's very difficult is to have just one!"
I understand what you mean and where you come from. Yet, I believe people turned judgamental after your own choices for wording your question.
I didn't take the time to look back to read all your history from other posts, and I know I wouldn't do it anyway, as I am sure many others didn't as well. However, I don't believe it is my responsibility to "fix" the way your post "mislead" me, and the fact is, in order to answer THIS post, I believe it's more important to stick to your own current words, that to attempt to fill some voids looking for the puzzle's missing pieces in oldest posts.
And this isn't the prejudice's appology, and I don't endorse many of the comments other members posted. When we face a post from one spouse talking about the other, we don't have the chance to get to know the other spouse, but the way the poster portrayed him or her. Thus, even when the poster means to talk about the spouse, the poster is talking about him or herself. So, I hardly could judge your wife from your words, the only I can do is judge your words. Not even you, just your words.
I don't believe it is casual to choose one way or another to say something (morever if written words, since you have the time to think and express yourself at your own pace, and to re-read and correct what you write), nor it is casual to choose what to say and what to mute. These choices tells a lot about you, about the problem, and about where you're standing to face it, and even sometimes these choices tells you more than the explicit words.
Of course, I can missunderstand the whole thing, however every one of us answer back from our own (miss)understanding, hoping our (miss)understandings to be able to help you reach some insight, even if it makes sense only for you.
The question is... from what you said, and the way you said it, there isn't anything able to lead us to missunderstand the situation? Re-read your post, please, because I believe you expressed pretty well the bottom of your question, whether you like it or not.
I don't know the joke, it called my attention your choice (again) for a nickname, and the way I (miss)understood it since Spanish is my born language. However, I believe I understand where the joke relies: "incomunicado" (just one "m" in spanish) is the legal term for someone jailed and isolated, monetarily deprived from the right to speak with others. In many Latinamerican countiries, during military governments and/or with para-legal systems, this also could mean to be "missing" (nowhere). This makes your choice even more intriguing by now.
Anyway, all of this is to point out that I am being lead more by the CHOICES you make, that I may know from your posts, than by the way you portrayed your situation and the choices you claim to make for the portray sake. And I am inviting you to look at them. |