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We have waited to respond to this post because it has touched a nerve with us on a couple of different levels, so our apologies if this sounds like a rant.......
Also this is JUST our opinion doesn’t make it right or wrong just our perspective.

The reality is that swinging, the "lifestyle" doesn't just happen when you least expect it. It takes a lot of effort to find a couple or person that you feel comfortable enough with to have sex. And to do that you have to meet them either in person at a club or other lifestyle function OR through some other types of lifestyle connection such as a swinging websites, area swinging magazines, newspaper ads, I remember several years ago there were phone numbers where you could place a vocal ad and listen to others. Whatever means you choose to use it takes some concerted effort to find and meet people.

It amazes me how many new people try to make this out to be more than it really is. Bottom line is that swinging is about having SEX with someone other than your SO. Yes it is always nice when you meet a couple that you click with on levels that develop into a friendship, but the reality is that JUST like in the "vanilla" world you meet a lot of people and MOST of them are just acquaintances, even the people that you may play with( have sex with). Developing true friendship takes time and doesn't just happen even when that is what we tell ourselves we need to have before having sex. Anyone who approaches the lifestyle with the idea that we have to be friends first before anything sexual happens or the idea that they want the other couple to want more than just sex is doomed to failure. I am not saying that developing friends is not a good idea or that it is impossible. I am saying that just like in the “vanilla” world making friends just doesn’t happen instantly or over night. The reality of it is MOST (80% or more) of the people that you will meet AND play with will be a once or twice thing. Not that you plan it that way, it is just the way it seems to happen. And I am NOT talking about people who are willing to play with just anyone. I am talking about people who are selective and don’t just hop in the sac with whoever is willing. You meet a couple everyone is getting along great no one is rushing to play, eventually you all decide to swing( soft, full or whatever you are all comfortable with), everyone is on the same page, the stars are in alignment, whatever the "signs" are that you know this is the couple you are ready to have SEX with. Then afterwards for one reason or another either you or the other couple decide that there is NO reason to go there again. No one planned it that way, no one expected it, but it just happened. Maybe they weren't as fun as you thought they would be, maybe you weren't as fun as they thought you would be, maybe you had fun, but your SO other didn't click sexually with the other person, maybe your SO other had a great time but you didn't click with your play partner. And lots of other possibilities no one thought would happen, but they did and now you just don't go there again. That doesn't mean that you still don't click with this couple on other levels, but sexually things just didn't work out for you or them or both. So you don't play with them again, BUT neither of you would ever know that UNTIL you actually play (have SEX). The ones that are hard to take are the times you meet a couple and you all just click, it is like you have known each other for years, they share the same ideas and interest about swinging and other activates, everyone is getting along famously, you know that there is a true friendship starting to develop, everyone agrees to take things further and play( have sex), it ends up be awesome just the way swinging with friends is suppose to be, everyone is into it, everyone is clicking sexually and everyone has mind blowing sex, afterwards you talk about getting together and how you all know this is the start of an awesome friendship and even make plans on the next get together, then the next day it is like they have fallen off the face of the earth, they don’t call or email, they don’t return yours, there is no rhyme or reason as to why there is JUST no contact what so ever, you are left scratching your head about what went wrong or what happened, this is the type of couple that we were looking for our perfect couple, and “POOF” they are gone. This happens to all of us and no amount of planning or talking or being selective is going to keep this from happening. Does it make any sense, no. Does it get any easier, no, but it is just how things work out. So you dust yourself off and move on. There is an old saying that you can't fly a plane by the book, meaning that you can read all about it and know the manuals inside and out, but there is a certain part about flying that you just have to do to learn. Well swinging is a LOT like that you can read and talk and plan all you want, BUT until you actual HAVE SEX with others you will never know how you or your SO will react and IF it will work for you!! It amazes me how many new couples WAY over think all this. There is NO amount of reading, talking, imagining, pictures, daydreaming, or crystal balls that will let you know if swinging is for you or your SO. I am NOT saying to rush into anything. You have to take things at you and your SO comfort levels, but too many people have talked the subject to death and researched it beyond a PhD. thesis. Looking for a solution or definitive answer as to if they should go forward. At the end of the day the only way you are going to know is to try it. If you are afraid that it will cause damage to your relationship; then you need to just walk away, the lifestyle isn't for you. If you and your SO can't trust each other or understand that you are both experimenting as you go along and you or they are going to let what happens effect your relationship then you are DEFINATELY not cut out for the lifestyle. Swinging is about RECREATIONAL SEX. If things develop beyond that great! But at the end of the day it is still about SEX with other people. I hear too many people trying to rationalize it by trying to make it something more. I think they do that to tell themselves and their SO that it is ok to have sex with others if there is more to it than just sex. It can develop into more, but we are all here for the same thing SEX, whether everyone is willing to admit it or not is another story. We love friends with benefits (sex), but that is something that develops over time. We have enjoyed the lifestyle for several years and have made some great FRIENDS, but also have lots of special acquaintances, and through it all have had lots of fun, we wouldn’t change a thing.