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Originally Posted by lovinher Is it being unrealistic to want to get to know prospective playmates beforehand? |
That depends on what you mean about getting to know someone. Even in a club situation we don't just go up to people and ask them to jump in the sack with us without first talking to them a bit. If we meet someone from an add site we will usually meet and visit a bit before even deciding whether we want to have sex with them. So, I would say most everybody wants to get to know people a bit before proceeding.
On the other hand, I think most of us have met people that wanted to meet or correspond back and forth endlessly, and I have to admit, I have no idea if these people ever commit to having sex or not. We don't do the internet correspondence thing at all, and if they don't commit by the second time we meet they probably won't get another chance.
The way we normally do it is, if at a club, we introduce ourselves to people we find attractive. Visit for long enough (usually an hour or more) to make sure that we are compatible both in what we want to do in the bedroom and personality wise. If all that works out, then we ask them if they want to play and go for it. When someone contacts us online, we look over their profile and if they sound interesting we send them a message saying as much and asking them when/where they would like to meet to get to know each other a little better. We have found that if we meet someone and all seem to get along we will either adjourn to one of our houses for play or make a play date at that meeting. We have found that if we don't get a play commitment at that first meeting, we probably never will.
So, if what I just described sounds like what you mean when you say you want to get to know someone, then no, that is not unreasonable and in fact is the common way it is done. On the other hand, if you are expecting to decide whether the people you are meeting will be life long friends before you commit to play with them, then I would say that is an unreasonable expectation because most people won't give you that much time before they move on. The fact is, we are all pursuing this to meet others to have sex with, if it takes to much work to get you to the point that you want to play, very few will bother, and you probably wouldn't want to play with the ones that would.