[Chicup]

These are some things I think are mistakes the normal WSSC makes in swinging (White Suburban Swinger Couple, and yes I say this in jest to societies use of acronyms for everything).

1. Being afraid of the clubs.
We were afraid of what kind of wack jobs we would meet at the clubs, how 'seedy' they would be etc. Well we did meet wack jobs, mostly wack jobs like us. Now the club experience isn't for everyone, nor will everyone there be the kind of couple you would be interested in, and sometimes they can be a turn off if there is no one you would be interested in there, but its the best chance to meet 'real' swingers quickly and size them up. One "Hello my name is" in person is worth 10 emails.

2. Expecting a fantasy couple.
If you are the average WSSC couple, you are going to be average in looks too. Swinging might be a sexual fantasy level activity for you, but don't expect to be getting calls from people who look like they could be models. It can happen, but not often, and by not often I mean really really rare.

3. Only wanting to start with a newbie couple.
The problem with two newbie couples is neither has a clue what to do to bring it to the 'next level'. Someone has to be the first to take their clothes off and be comfortable with doing so. This is something we are not good at, and even today its a hell of a lot easier if the other couple says 'lets do it' first. Going at your own pace is important, but making awkward small talk waiting for 'something' to happen isn't going to get you what you really want out of it.

4. Expecting couples to 'woo' them.
I've seen this a few times in responses from newbie couples. I don't think anyone is here to romance you into sex at some level. By the time you put that swinger add up you should be ready to have some sort of sex with another couple, soft or otherwise, if not keep talking with your spouse until you both feel ready, don't count on others to make you feel ready.

5. Being 'friends first'
Ok this is a biggie. So you are expecting to meet people you have never seen in your life before, for sex, but first you will strike up a friendship relationship, so you feel comfortable having sex later? Good luck. I won't call it impossible for this to work out, but just like waiting for the super models to call you, its going to be a rare one. Making new friends can be hard enough, but doing it with the underlying 'tension' of swinging is just damn near impossible. If the sex aspect is 'out of the way' you have a much better chance of being friends later. Rather then looking for friends first, look for the kind of people you could be friends with.

6. Expecting people to come to you.
We aren't party people so this one applies to us as much as anyone. Clubs are basically parties where you KNOW people are going to get laid, but they are still parties. The exact same social dynamics that apply to vanilla parties apply to swingers parties, even more so. If you are by yourselves in a corner looking nervous odds are few will come talk to you, they might assume you are just there to watch, or are a drama bomb waiting to happen do to your apparent discomfort. Treat it like any party, just because you talk to people and are being social doesn't mean you need to have sex with them.

7. Getting desperate.
This may seem a bit contradictory, but just like some people are afraid to move forward, others are so desperate to move forward they make bad choices on partners. Yes it can take a lot of time to find people you are comfortable with, but don't 'settle' just so you can swing. A bad early experience may color one of you against swinging forever, while a good first experience would do the opposite. BE PATIENT, you have time, and as long as you are realistic you should find what you are looking for.

I wrote this for another thread but felt it would be better on its own. Feel free to add your on mistakes. Some of these we made ourselves and others we have seen people make, I'm sure there are a lot I haven't covered.