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Originally Posted by daisy girl We have been swinging for about a year and hubby finally told one of his good friends about us. We both thought long and hard about this. We are very private and respect our friends and their privacy as well.
We had a party this weekend and invited a few couples...some vanilla, some not. Everyone knew that this was a vanilla party. So...during the party, the "good friend" told his mother about us. His mother is tres cool and I suspect that she has dabbled in...well, anyway, she was fine with the information. However, hubby and I are annoyed. The friend said that he did it because his mother kept asking questions about us and he didn't want to lie to her. I believe that he just couldn't resist. By the way, this friend has known for about eight months and has always respected our privacy.
By the way, this same friend can't tell his wife because she is very conservative and would "forbid" him from hanging out with us. I find this whole situation distasteful and will find it very difficult to trust him again. In fact, I am not sure how much I want him in our lives. I am definitely going to write about this in my blog  . Thoughts?? |
Well, my thoughts are these are the risks you take when you tell your friends. Probably not what you wanted to hear though. But I also understand your point. You both told him, probably with strict intructions to never tell a soul, and even if the person he told is okay with it, the bottom line is he said he wouldn't and then did. So yes, I understand how you will have trouble trusting him again.
We have outed ourselves to a few select vanilla friends. When we decided to do this, it was because we (or rather my husband) had known them 15 years. After that kind of time, I felt confident enough that they would not breathe a word if they were asked not to. And to this day I truly feel they never have said anything, most especially to their parents who are as conservative as they come.
But I do live by some basic beliefs when it comes to divulging information.
1. I NEVER reveal something to one person and expect them to keep it from their spouse. Spouses are often times our sounding board. Or I believe they should be. Spouses should be the one person you can turn to when the whole world hates you. I do not expect them to keep things from their spouse, I do this because of #2
2. I do not keep secrets from my spouse. PERIOD. So if a friend asks me to not tell a soul, I make sure they understand that does not include my husband. I don't keep secrets from him, because sometimes friends tell you things that make you worry too. And my husband can always tell when I am worried and it worries him if I am not open with him. All of our friends are aware that we have this level of communication and they know they can trust him to never repeat anything I say to him. In fact, many of our friends will come to us to ask us both because they can get a female and male perspective and only tell the story once. However, there are times when its a "female" problem, and I know its not something my husband wants to discuss. For example, a girlfriends complications with her period. At that point, I just tell him its female issues with "Whomever" and he doesn't push. He doesn't really want to know anyway.