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Originally Posted by intuition897 Exactly. This is where the activity is defined by the "bad apples" in it. Sort of the way the word "Christian" ruffles feathers. Christianity is inherently good, and an ideal model to form one's life after, but the mere utterance of the word Christian brings to mind a lot of other very negative words...at least to a great many people. I'm not saying swinging is anything like a religion, but there are definitely ideals that swinging includes that are appliciable to the rest of one's life. Respect, trust, tolerance, etc., to name a few. To me, a thing that is, at it's purest core, a very good thing should not be defined as bad just because some people who claim to be members of it don't get what it's all about. |
Hi Intuition (one of my favorite people here, by the way),
I have to concur with meandher2go on this - he said, "What its all about is really up to the individual couple."
Swingers are swingers, regardless of what they know or think they know about the lifestyle. They all have their own way and there are no rules or standard guidelines to determine what a "true" swinger is. They don't have to learn certain things, or learn anything at all about swinging to be swingers and call themselves swingers. If they get drunk with their neighbors, inadvertently end up playing naked Trivial Pursuit followed by having
some form of sex with each other, they can call themselves swingers. They can do it without giving it a thought before they act. They can be any kind of person and conduct themselves in any manner they wish.
You mentioned certain "ideals" that swinging includes. I disagree that swinging has a set of ideals. You and I may have those particular ideals - not because they are swinging ideals, but because those are our own personal values (we were already like this before swinging). Christianity and Christian behavior is mandated by the Bible, and by the life of Christ as an example to follow. Christianity has certain very clearly defined parameters. Christians are
commanded by a higher authority to follow these behaviors and live within these parameters (following a narrow path). The New Testament says that you will recognize who is a true Christian by the behavior they manifest - "You will know them by their fruit" (how they conduct themselves).
Swinging has no such mandate, no such example of behavior that swingers are supposed to follow. Without a Supreme Authority of Swinging, who is there to say what the ideals of swinging are? Respect, trust, honesty and tolerance are beautiful human characteristics (I value these and I know that you do). However, they aren't inherently part of swinging, and they don't define swinging. Many people
are longterm swingers and "real" swingers without abiding by all or even
some of these traits/characteristics in the lifestyle.
You mentioned "some people who claim to be members". There's no membership roster for swinging, and no standards for who's "in" and who's "out" of the club. Swinging is a free-for-all.
All we can do is know what our own
personal standards are as human beings (not as swingers), avoid people we don't want to associate with because of their behavior and choices, and connect ourselves with people who share our
personal ideals (not the non-existent swinger ideals).