[curiousagain]

I don't have the direct link any more. Western Swing wrote something one time that was so profound on this I saved it to a file.
So with due credit to them I will post it here.

"I think a lot of people confuse love and sex, or at least sex when you're in love and just sex. Sex with our playmates leaves me with the same kind of feeling as one night stands when I was single. It was a good time, but that's it. Nothing more. It did nothing for my soul.

There is not a woman out there that could fuck me well enough to even make me think about leaving my wife, or for that matter seeing them outside my marriage. And I like to believe my wife feels the same way about other men. The present seems to always be the same, just the wrapping is different. And I guess that's the fun of it all. When it comes down to it, it was fun, it was different, it was erotic, it was an orgasm, and that's it.

It's not like my wife and I didn't have lovers or spouses before we met. It's not like we didn't have orgasms with those lovers and spouses. So if that is what it is all about, why aren't we still with our ex's? I had great sex with my ex-wife, and lovers too. But can I even remember what it was like now? No. There might be experiences that stand out in my mind, but that is it. And my wife has said the same about those in her past. The sex between us has always been great, but it wasn't what made her want to introduce her at-the-time 3-year old daughter to me, or her friends, or her father.

I think many people put too much emphasis on the role of sex in a relationship. It's not the glue that keeps the relationship together, at least not in a good relationship. We've all heard "I should have left them sooner, but the sex was just so good." What a crock! Sex is an ingredient in the relationship. The glue is the trust, the knowing things about the other that nobody will ever know. Loving them as much when they're being grumpy or mean as when they are smiling and lovey. Loving them for who they are. Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship.

Playmates are playmates. They won't be there when you get old. Many of them don't even show up to your birthday parties. Most wouldn't even send a get well card if you were sick or injured. Yet you always know that your spouse will be there for all of that, and more.

We believe that sex between us is "soul sex". The kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because it's as much an emotional release as a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside of them, and you still wouldn't be close enough to them. Nobody could replace that for me, or for her.

And that my friends is why although we may have good experiences with others, nobody will ever be better, or replace each other in our hearts, or our bed." WesternSwing


I think that sums it up better than anything I've ever read or heard. Swing/single sex is like porn sex sort of. A lot of the excitement is newness of someone, the group sex, the fact that it's JUST sex, etc. No matter how good it is, it's not love sex and nothig is better than that.