Hi Trixie, I highlighted many of the things I thought were red flags. I'm going to be very honest with you. You were FAR to wimpy with this man. You
let him bring the whip out. You let him put it around your neck. You didn't like this treatment, but it happened. The minute the whip came out, you could have been stronger and said, "Put the $#%& whip away right NOW, or we're leaving." You have rights. You don't do ANYTHING you don't want 100%.
You didn't like the way he treated you at all, but you kept
thanking him for the great time. WHY???
You decided to be exclusive with a couple you barely knew. You'd met them one time.
Why go exclusive with people you don't even know yet? What's in it for you to be exclusive with near-strangers? Next time, don't do that unless you have developed closeness and trust with them, and if you really WANT to be exclusive. You don't have to be exclusive with anybody in this lifestyle. Whose idea was it to be exclusive after just one date? His? Was his reason just so he could go bareback, or some other reason that was all about him?
You can avoid repeating this in the future if you identify early on that he controls the whole thing and she will do whatever he wants. You saw that with this couple. Next time, just run. Look for couples with mutual respect, respect for YOU, and willing to be equals. You'll have a lot more fun.
We've never experienced anything close to what you did. We don't like people like you described, so we use our radar to weed them out. We can see the signs before we even meet them the first time. Even if we didn't spot it until after we meet, we wouldn't go further with them.
There are LOTS of great couples out there. You just fell in with the wrong pair the first try. Keep meeting NICE people, and take it one step at a time. Stand your ground. You know what you like and don't like. Don't accept anything less than what you and your husband want. Best wishes.
