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Originally Posted by Trixie1966 I think we felt we knew them pretty well given the huge amount of time we'd spent getting to know them online and on the phone and the long dinner but obviously neither myself nor Mr. were firm enough about our rules which we have in place. |
Hi Trixie,
I remember back in my single/dating days and "meeting" guys online through the vanilla dating ads. There were often times that I talked for weeks or even
months with a guy online + phone before meeting in person,
thought I was getting to know them because of all the time spent chatting/talking, but they often were very different in real life. I could tell you stories, but I'll go straight to my lesson learned: The time chatting online and the phone calls are just preliminaries, at best. These give you
some insight, which is good, but it's not the whole person. (This lesson has served us just as well in the adult profiles as a couple as it did when I was single.)
Mr. Choke-hold was in pursuit mode with you before you met in person. He's aggressive and very manipulative (even lies to his wife, as you learned). People like him will tune into you and will say whatever it takes to make you feel like you're compatible. That's not the real deal - not the whole person, and sometimes not even the real person. My point: Please don't put too much stock in the chatting and phone before you meet people. Don't give it too much credence in the getting-to-know-you process.
I'm glad you sound so upbeat about meeting other people, and not letting this bad experience set you back. I'm sure you're going to have many great times to come!
