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Originally Posted by Trixie1966 We talked to him at length for days, her a little, met them both for dinner, played a little that first night and it was fun. Talked online more and all four decided we wanted to be exclusive.
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She will do anything he says so he is running the show at this point with what they do and from what I can tell, it is that way in every aspect of their life.
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The second thing is that when we were together, he would get out a whip to use on her but he knew I didn't like that but he still hit me with it. That got to the point it ticked me off that he wouldn't stop. No means no. At one point he wrapped the whip around my neck like he was going to strangle me but not to make me pass out at least I don't believe so. He's all about control so I think that is what it was meant to be but it scared me and not to mention hurt my neck.
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The next day and I IM'd him to say thanks and he's saying I'm weirding him out (which I had done nothing at that point except but what he asked of me), needed to back off and all this crap.
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So I was all classy about it and saying thanks for the fun and he's yelling at me about Mr. got what he wanted from his woman and I didn't tell Mr. my fantasies (which I had told Mr.-that's part of being in the lifestyle) and he was just a huge jerk all the way around to me. I was trying to be classy but I left in tears.
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Now we are just so afraid to meet anyone else. I'm sure lots of you have experienced this. Can you give us some tips on meeting decent couples? What are the red flags we maybe haven't thought of?
Trixie |
Hi Trixie, I highlighted many of the things I thought were red flags. I'm going to be very honest with you. You were FAR to wimpy with this man. You
let him bring the whip out. You let him put it around your neck. You didn't like this treatment, but it happened. The minute the whip came out, you could have been stronger and said, "Put the $#%& whip away right NOW, or we're leaving." You have rights. You don't do ANYTHING you don't want 100%.
You didn't like the way he treated you at all, but you kept
thanking him for the great time. WHY???
You decided to be exclusive with a couple you barely knew. You'd met them one time.
Why go exclusive with people you don't even know yet? What's in it for you to be exclusive with near-strangers? Next time, don't do that unless you have developed closeness and trust with them, and if you really WANT to be exclusive. You don't have to be exclusive with anybody in this lifestyle. Whose idea was it to be exclusive after just one date? His? Was his reason just so he could go bareback, or some other reason that was all about him?
You can avoid repeating this in the future if you identify early on that he controls the whole thing and she will do whatever he wants. You saw that with this couple. Next time, just run. Look for couples with mutual respect, respect for YOU, and willing to be equals. You'll have a lot more fun.
We've never experienced anything close to what you did. We don't like people like you described, so we use our radar to weed them out. We can see the signs before we even meet them the first time. Even if we didn't spot it until after we meet, we wouldn't go further with them.
There are LOTS of great couples out there. You just fell in with the wrong pair the first try. Keep meeting NICE people, and take it one step at a time. Stand your ground. You know what you like and don't like. Don't accept anything less than what you and your husband want. Best wishes.
