Concerning the "troll situation" I will say that trolls are a real bother and we who have been here awhile find them tiring. Sometimes we become jaded and are too quick to categorize unusual posts as bullshit. In this land of democracy, though, I feel all those accused (OJ included) should be considered innocent until proven guilty. Then we can pounce on them.
Transplantdbrit, Mrs. Alura is also a cancer survivor, having recovered almost miraculously in the recent past. Our hearts go out to you for both your struggle against cancer and the loss of your child. We will appeal to the Great Spriit for your continued recovery and your ability to become pregnant in the future and carry the child full term.
As my late uncle, Blind Bear, was fond of saying, "Shouldadones don't count." What's done is done, cannot be changed, and is only valuable as a tool to be used for learning.
Sex is a great therapy for deep sadness. It's not surprising that your husband took advantage of familiar territory to help him cope, and even sleep, a bit better. Try to understand his weaknesses, for which you must surely love him as for his strengths.
The child your friend may be carrying is faultless. Love him/her as much as you would your own. Love your friend like a sister.
You've worked too long and too successfully at a fulfilling marriage to throw it away for one night of weakness. Build it into an even stronger part of your life.
Please keep us updated.
(BTW, I lived in London (Shepherd's Bush) for awhile. Where are you from?)
Mr. Alura