To Blondie and Blue,
Your comments and thoughts echo my (Bud's) own precisely at the time I was new to this and other boards and I respect your stance on this.
I, too, hate to see people being "ganged-up" upon (unless it's in a horny concept - lol). I have seen this happen to what I'd consider genuine Posters on both this and other boards, I believe I have been the victim of board-bullies myself (it's not a comfortable situation). On one occasion, I was privately (not publicly, on the forum, you note) actually asked to cancel my membership of a board if I were not prepared to either support the majority view or at least shut up on a particular subject. All I and Su had been doing was offering our opinion on that topic. We had not purported our opinion to be fact but had made it clear that it was simply our opinion. This was still not enough for other board members and the board's Admin, it was a case of "if you're not with us then you must be against us" attitudes prevailing. Bullying and ganging-up on people is not nice and is very cowardly.
But, when you've been reading the board for a longer period of times, it gets easier to spot a "Troll".
The simple solution, one would assume is to ignore that thread and that is exactly what is often done.
However, the Trolls' motives are known only to the Trolls. Mostly it appears to seek to promote discord within the board. Sometimes it may be to raise a discussion based upon a theoretical (though unreal) situation, the Troll might genuinely believe that help and support is being made to someone who MIGHT at some point face the fantasy situation that has been raised. This makes the Trolls feel good about themselves. Your own responses that, whether real or not, what harm is there in assuming it to be true and engaging in discussions with the Troll/OP used to be in full agreement with my own. I couldn't see the harm in it at first. The reason I now believe it's wrong includes (but is not exclusive to) the following:
The board and it's members are not here to make a Troll (or anyone else, for that matter) "feel good about themselves". It's also a pretty patronising and superior stance that the Troll is adopting in second-guessing that someone who
might really be in the described situation is incapable of seeking their own advice and help on the matter. That's not to say that members of the board can't reassure someone and help them feel good about themselves if they have a problem or a perception that blinds them to reality (like when you got that pimple on your chin the day of your Prom and no-one else could see it but to you it seemed to glow in the dark and appeared to be the size of a basketball when you looked in the mirror). Many of us need occasional reassuring that we're not wrong or weird or wicked or undesireable or whatever (especially if a member of The Lifestyle). The board members here can be extremely good in helping people who have no-one else to turn to at such times.
You are both right to say that the OP might be genuine.
But in this case, I'm pretty sure that's not the case. This isn't a court of law. Neither guilt nor innocence can be proven (just as well, really, cuz OJ is innocent - right?)
.
The reason that responses to a Troll thread is described as "feeding" is because, like a Troll, the more it is fed - the hungrier it gets.
It consumes the time (such as mine now, well done Troll
) of board members that could be better spent helping genuine posters (or even washing the dishes) or maybe even having fun - now there's a notion!.
The Troll story gets progressively wilder whilst the Troll "strokes" the ego of those respondents who either haven't spotted the BS or are willing to give the benefit of the doubt, in order to elicit their support. This can often lead to the "discussion" becoming an "argument" and can cause rifts between board members and sides being taken. It's not pretty when that happens and it's not healthy for the board and it's members, either. Many Trolls "out" themselves as such at the moment of
their choosing. When
they get bored or when
they realise that their game is nearly up. At this point the Trolls slither back into their cave, exhaulted by their "victory" and intoxicated on their "intellectual superiority", but simply pathetic to all but themselves.
However good the intentions (even the intentions of the Troll, initially) and however well-thought out and considered the advice of those who tried to help solve the poor Trolls "dilemna", those who did try to help are left feeling foolish and can become reluctant to offer future help, lest they are going to end up feeling used and foolish again (now that can't be a good thing......Can it?).
Got no time for Trolls, but found it quite cathartic to get that lot off my chest (thanks Troll
).
I would like to hope that for me this subject is now closed but doubtless the Troll has once again got it's way and bickering will shortly break-out beween the Boardies.
Finally:
In the unlikely event that this is not a Troll thread (and indeed that OJ
is innocent) or if despite it being a Troll thread, there is anyone who is genuinely suffering from this or a similar dilemna, believe it or not you have my sincere and genuine sympathy and I wish I had the ken to offer some words of comfort and advice. I don't, though, except to say the guy's a dick - as is your "friend" (but in mitigation, who shares a bed with your swing partner/s and then expects temptations not to occur)?
Sincerely, Bud.