[tribbles]

Sorry about your loss.

And sorry you aren't even paying attention that it is NOT your loss alone. Your hubby lost too. His dreams died as well. So you have a g/f over and her and DH are there for you. After you crash, he is still hurting from the loss.

I think it hurt him way more than you realize and need to wake up to that.

It made HIM vulnerable to breaking all your rules and acting out with your g/f. Why the hell didn't SHE demand a condom? Why did she allow the sex between them? You seem mad at him but not at her.

I suggest you really find out from your DH what he is thinking, what he wants and how he hopes to proceed.

Maybe he wants to be with you but also does want a child. You have the chance to give him that child....by letting him be a daddy to the child he may have fathered with your friend.

Find a counselor who is swinger/poly friendly and all three of you need to go. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is getting good remarks on other boards I go to.

I know this isn't the 'normal' way to answer this but I've found all the 'stinking' thinking people do about their needs vs their partners to really screw people up.

Get a book by Albert Ellis, PhD and work on it.

Good Luck