The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Am I being played, and does she just want him?

jtboy · 03-03-2007, 03:31 PM

Ok, I'll start by saying my wife and I are new to this. My wife has recently revealed to me after 12.5 yrs of marriage that she has a fantasy. Shortly before that we re-established a friendship with a couple that we had been out of contact with for about 10 yrs. Our situation is that her fantasy is 3some with 2 guys, me and someone else. I am not completely comfortable with it all but am openminded enough to at least consider options. She has said she wants it to be with someone she knows and trusts. I, on the other hand, prefer stranger, but am willing to be open-minded. We truly only have 1 friend that she knows and trusts. It's the guy from our recently re-established friendship. He is married and I know he has a 'thing' for her. Believe she has a 'thing' for him, but doubt she would go behind my back. My current career has me travelling often and for long periods. Leaving her alone. He has displayed in the (very distant) past an attempt to go behind my back. My wife has also displayed a propensity to 'forget mention' to me that she has been around him when I am at work, gone to store, etc..., particularly when I otherwise wouldn't know (Sometimes, when I come home for lunch, he occasionally randomly stops by, because he works in the area, whereas I do not. I have, more than once, come home to find him there, unbeknownst to me.) They constantly flirt, whether it be in the company of me or others. I have many questions about this. 1) Am I being played, and does she just want him? If not, if this is truly her fantasy, should he be the one, considering the baggage? 2) If the most important thing in fantasy satisfaction is succumbing to satisfy the mind of the person with the fantasy, should I be more convinced to allow it to be him. 3) If it is decided upon to continue, what is the traditional way in which to extend the invitation? She argues that she would feel uncomfortable if I were present when she invited him, and additionally that he would probably be too, but I contest that if I were not present I would feel as though she is going behind my back. I have told her I would compromise on this one too...4) Am I compromising too much in an attempt to let her fulfill her fantasy, or am I complicating the situation? 5) Last question for this post, looking for input on if anyone out there thinks I should just let her & him have a go.

03-03-2007, 03:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
jtboy Registered Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 3 Location: San Diego Status: M. Male	Am I being played, and does she just want him? Ok, I'll start by saying my wife and I are new to this. My wife has recently revealed to me after 12.5 yrs of marriage that she has a fantasy. Shortly before that we re-established a friendship with a couple that we had been out of contact with for about 10 yrs. Our situation is that her fantasy is 3some with 2 guys, me and someone else. I am not completely comfortable with it all but am openminded enough to at least consider options. She has said she wants it to be with someone she knows and trusts. I, on the other hand, prefer stranger, but am willing to be open-minded. We truly only have 1 friend that she knows and trusts. It's the guy from our recently re-established friendship. He is married and I know he has a 'thing' for her. Believe she has a 'thing' for him, but doubt she would go behind my back. My current career has me travelling often and for long periods. Leaving her alone. He has displayed in the (very distant) past an attempt to go behind my back. My wife has also displayed a propensity to 'forget mention' to me that she has been around him when I am at work, gone to store, etc..., particularly when I otherwise wouldn't know (Sometimes, when I come home for lunch, he occasionally randomly stops by, because he works in the area, whereas I do not. I have, more than once, come home to find him there, unbeknownst to me.) They constantly flirt, whether it be in the company of me or others. I have many questions about this. 1) Am I being played, and does she just want him? If not, if this is truly her fantasy, should he be the one, considering the baggage? 2) If the most important thing in fantasy satisfaction is succumbing to satisfy the mind of the person with the fantasy, should I be more convinced to allow it to be him. 3) If it is decided upon to continue, what is the traditional way in which to extend the invitation? She argues that she would feel uncomfortable if I were present when she invited him, and additionally that he would probably be too, but I contest that if I were not present I would feel as though she is going behind my back. I have told her I would compromise on this one too...4) Am I compromising too much in an attempt to let her fulfill her fantasy, or am I complicating the situation? 5) Last question for this post, looking for input on if anyone out there thinks I should just let her & him have a go.