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Originally Posted by JustAskJulie It's unfair because one partner is being forced to give up their fantasies because of the other partners insecurities.
Who said every women involved in swinging (or in 3somes with another women for that matter) actually wants to play with other women? Obviously they all don't as we've seen here.
I, for one, agree that there is a double standard when it comes to male bisexuality. But that wasn't part of your original question, now was it?
So back to your original question. If a couple swings only with single bisexual women because THE GUY is insecure about letting his wife have sex with another man. Then yes it's unfair no matter what she gets to do with the other woman. He is getting his cake and eating it tooo... where's hers? |
Interesting. I went back to my original question and fount the flaw in my logic. Nowhere did I state that the wife was bisexual, simply that both husband and wife enjoyed sex with the third party. Let's correct that and re-address the question...
First, let's talk about the arrangement itself (MFF, two bi women):
Is this
STILL an unfair arrangement if the wife is bisexual and both parties enjoy pleasure with the third? You, Julie, by your own description of bisexuality in the Female Bisexuality string, under the HELP catagory, describe a bisexual person as one who can be sexual attracted to both sexes. This means that she can be aroused and pleasured by either a man OR a woman. You say
"yes it's unfair no matter what she gets to do with the other woman. He is getting his cake and eating it tooo... ". How can this possibly be the case? How is she not getting her cake as well? She is pleasured by her husband, to whom she is attracted, and by a woman, to whom she is attracted. If we assume she subscribes to your definition of bisexuality, this should be fulfilling enough.
Now, is she getting everything she MIGHT want? Maybe not. For that matter, she might want two or three or four men, but she's not getting that either. Nor is
HE getting another man, two extra women or an Orangatan. So, they both might not be indulging ALL their desires. But are they unfulfilled sexually because they don't get everything they MIGHT want? I don't think so.
My wife, who is only "situationally bi", completely agrees with me that sex shared with another with whom there is mutual attraction, excitement and pleasure, is fair (and she would happily disagree if she felt differently). She says it is not a matter of the sex of the person, buy the other person themselves that should be the issue.
Second, let's address the fairness of "the rules":
My wife also comments that,
ALL rules (or relational boundaries) in swinging are based on insecurity at the root level, and I would agree with her. "No kissing", "no seperate swinging", "FF only", "MFF only", ---whatever... these are all examples of limitations we place, based upon our comfort level. Our insecurities, if you will. Only a VERY prescious few couples offer each other complete and total sexual freedom. The rest of us place limitations on our swinging. As long as those limitations allow for shared pleasure by all, I stick to my guns and say that they are fair.