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Originally Posted by 2TexasTornados Sounds to me like you're definitely not ready to try it out, and that's OK!
You need to tell HIM all this stuff you've just typed out. What guy wouldn't be flattered to know that you get literally feverish at his touch, and worry no other man could do that for you? If it "devastates" you to think about sharing him or yourself with anyone but each other, you're nowhere near taking the leap. Because if you do it anyway, while you're still feeling so torn about it, you're going to experience all sorts of negative emotions. Rejection, jealousy, loss, etc. And no orgasm - his or yours - is going to be worth that.
Take your time, talk to him, and try to feel at peace with your thoughts and decisions on the subject. It's your body and your heart - you gotta do what YOU gotta do. |
Ok, I have a little bit of time so I'm going to take these one at a time,( no pun intended, lol).
I KNOW that I need to talk to him, I KNOW he'll be receptive to my thoughts, and the feelings behind them. IT'S JUST SUCH A
HUGE ISSUE! An issue where a compromise that makes BOTH happy seems almost impossible. And to be quite honest with you, ( I might as well!), prior to this issue arising, I could talk to him about ANYTHING, and now, there seems to be a "distance" there, some sort of a "separation or barrier" that previously wasn't there, ( this is for me, I don't believe this holds true for him). This barrier BY NO MEANS affects my love for him, or how much I love him, but it HAS added a new dimension to our relationship, and how I relate to him.
Tex, your advice was to, "try to feel at peace with my thoughts and decisions".......IT'S TOUGH! Tough knowing that one way or another, SOMEBODY isn't going to be happy, and the truth is, I DON'T WANT THAT SOMEBODY TO BE HIM. There are a few different angles to this for me. #1, I'm trying to understand the basic appeal and allure of the lifestyle, and #2, ( possibly the larger ), I'm very annoyed and frustrated with myself for having such a difficult time relating and understanding the concepts involved in the lifestyle. I don't run from problems, face them head on, AND I'M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH THIS ONE! YOU COULD PROBABLY EVEN SAY I'VE ALMOST BECOME
CONSUMED BY IT! And the truth is, the emotional turmoil that I'm experiencing is EXHAUSTING. Exhausting on many levels. I OVERTHINK things, latch on and won't let go until I've found an acceptable solution. I need to SOMEHOW put things a bit into perspective.
I need to make one other thing clear. I know HIM well also. I know that if I tell him that after MUCH research, thought, and soulsearching that this is a "no go" for me, he'll accept it and understand, but it will still tear me up inside knowing that he had a want/need that I kept him from.