[intuition897]

We do have a problem, personally, with playing with a married-but-sneaking person. I don't care how good he or she is; turning a blind eye to his or her behaviour just to get what we want doesn't sit well with us. As Alura said, it's not my place to tell anyone else what to do, what is or is not right for them. All I can do is refuse to be involved in someone else's negative behaviour, refuse to encourage it or enable them to continue it. Beyond that, all I will do is explain why I would choose to not do so.

So...why are we uncomfotable with it? Because we have striven to build a marriage based on absolute honesty, integrity, self-accountiblity, responsibility, trust, kindness, courtesy...all the things that this other person's values fly in the face of. To accommodate their cowardice just because it is convenient for us is to cheapen what we have worked so hard to build. It's all for nothing if we don't stand behind what we believe! Why should such honesty be of absolute necessity in our marriage, yet unnecessary in the marriages of others? We feel that every marriage deserves to be respected the way we respect ours...even if the people in it do not respect it themselves. It really has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with doing what is right for us.

If it were us, I have no doubt: we would quit him as soon as we found out, and we would let him know exactly why. He'd be totally pissed off and indignant that we were so "high and mighty". But he's the one who feels it's necessary to lie and sneak around. We don't. The only reason we are discrete is because it would severely disturb others to learn about our lifestyle choice. I don't want to impose on anyone in that way. Therefore we bite our tongues, although we'd dearly love to give our honest opinions of certain things.