Hi ohash, good questions.
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Originally Posted by ohash01 But once, he's 30, would a 40 year old woman seem that much older? |
It depends entirely on the woman. 10 years isn't that great an age difference, especially when the older one is taking great care of her/himself and has a kind of energy and youthfulness about them, which comes naturally to them. Know what I mean?
As an example...I'm 47, but you'd never think it. I'm always mistaken for early-mid 30's (and not just among swingers). 20-something guys hit on me in the gym and vanilla clubs. My husband, age 46, was asked by a woman at a swing party a few months ago what his age was. She was 34...the reason she asked, she said, was to check to make sure he wasn't too
young. LOL! I'm really not kidding. Some people just don't look their age and tend to have an energy level that isn't typical of most in their age range. Also, style has a lot to do with it. People who stay contemporary, and have the shape to carry off fashionable clothes, look younger. Check out the 40+ crowd in Hollywood (keeping fit, their style), and you know what I mean.
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Originally Posted by ohash01 Do you think most middle-aged persons would look at a 23 year old and go "ick...youngin'."? |
Not "ick", I'm sure they'd find the 23-year-old attractive. But, there are generally two main things that might hold them back:
1. Lack of things in common/life experience, wanting to have something to talk about, things that they can connect with. Socially, everybody wants to feel that kind of connection to hit it off. It gets more difficult with generational age differences.
2. Feeling weird about being with someone the age (or close to the age) of their own children.
As for whether "most" middle-aged people feel this way, and to what degree - I don't know, but it may be 50/50 or more.
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Originally Posted by ohash01 Does age really matter as much as emotional maturity? |
Emotional maturity is great, but there may be big cultural/generational differences, and that's based on years and life experiences. We might be talking about things you've never heard of (or maybe you only heard it in history class
, and there may be more awkwardness than connection. You don't want to feel like a little kid, and I don't want to feel like a dinosaur talking to you. Slightly exaggerated, but kwim? Uncomfortable, especially to feel that way with a potential sex partner.
Also, my daughter and stepkids may be emotionally mature, but I still would not feel comfortable having sex with someone that is their own age. You would remind me of them, inevitably....and I'd feel creepy.
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Originally Posted by ohash01 What if - said 23 year old - could easily pass for 28 or so? |
I think there's a huge difference between meeting people face-to-face initially (like in a club) vs. meeting through profiles. I doubt you'd even click on our profile when you saw the age, and we wouldn't click on yours. But, if we met in a club and without knowing ages, you appeared to be a 28-34 age range couple, we appeared to you to be a early/mid-30's couple, and if we all were attracted to each other, had a personality connection and a good, sexy vibe, it could happen. I think that there's a
lot more scrutiny in the details when meeting through profiles.
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Originally Posted by ohash01 What qualities do you need to see in a person to consider swinging out of your preferred age range? |
The same qualities we look for in anybody, regardless of age: physical attraction, mental/personality connection, and above all, a good comfort level. I can't get nekkid and get funky with anybody that I'm not really comfortable being with that way. It's just something I know instinctively after spending time with them.
If I
felt the age difference, we could have a good time talking and dancing perhaps, but it wouldn't be comfortable enough for sexual contact.