The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Breaking the news to Wife that I intend to swing without her

clutch · 01-13-2007, 01:08 AM

Hey guy....

First of all, I do feel for you... my first marriage was like yours, sex-wise, and unfortunately, sex wasn't the only thing that was dead about it.

At one point, I actually said to myself, I need to have an affair to see if anything changes. (20/20 hindsite, this is a really idiotic thing to say, because it really can't change anything in the current state. It merely adds something --that being usually negative and destructive.)

For me, and I can only speak for myself here, it was way beyond no sex (hadn't had ANY for 7 or 8 years). I was very lonely and depressed and felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. All I ever heard was well-meaning church people who said, "You must work things out. There is no tolerance for any other option -- as in divorce." And, I know that my ex was just as unhappy. She's the one who brought up divorce 2 or 3 times. We get along much better now that we're divorced and can just be normal around each other again. (But we have no desire to be back together.)

The poor/lack of sex was just a signpost for a dead-horse of a marriage. Now, that's me. If you're happy in your marriage in lots of ways and it's just the sex that's suffering, I'd truly fight for your marriage, your wife, and your life.

On the other hand, if you're where I was, it's time to call your own personal time out and maybe ask some questions like, "What's going on here and what do I want?" or "Am I happy?" "What does my wife want?" "Is she happy?" "Can we have an honest conversation about things that need to be spoken about."

If y'all are doing pretty well, except for the sex, send her to this website. Let her see what you've been exploring. It doesnt' sound like you'd have much to lose. On the other hand, you know your situation.

Bottom line, sex should be the last thing in the continuum of love and fun. Outside of love, it's kind of counterproductive. It can be more confusing than problem solving.

I commend you for being having the courage to reach out to people on this website to state your thoughts. Probably didn't expect to get such a negative response (right? yeh... but still kind of a downer) but given the fact that you're exploring and researching before you make a decision, I truly believe that you'll fare well and make choices based on wisdom.

I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

01-13-2007, 01:08 AM	#12 (permalink)
clutch Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 140 Location: tennessee	Re: Breaking the news to Wife Hey guy.... First of all, I do feel for you... my first marriage was like yours, sex-wise, and unfortunately, sex wasn't the only thing that was dead about it. At one point, I actually said to myself, I need to have an affair to see if anything changes. (20/20 hindsite, this is a really idiotic thing to say, because it really can't change anything in the current state. It merely adds something --that being usually negative and destructive.) For me, and I can only speak for myself here, it was way beyond no sex (hadn't had ANY for 7 or 8 years). I was very lonely and depressed and felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. All I ever heard was well-meaning church people who said, "You must work things out. There is no tolerance for any other option -- as in divorce." And, I know that my ex was just as unhappy. She's the one who brought up divorce 2 or 3 times. We get along much better now that we're divorced and can just be normal around each other again. (But we have no desire to be back together.) The poor/lack of sex was just a signpost for a dead-horse of a marriage. Now, that's me. If you're happy in your marriage in lots of ways and it's just the sex that's suffering, I'd truly fight for your marriage, your wife, and your life. On the other hand, if you're where I was, it's time to call your own personal time out and maybe ask some questions like, "What's going on here and what do I want?" or "Am I happy?" "What does my wife want?" "Is she happy?" "Can we have an honest conversation about things that need to be spoken about." If y'all are doing pretty well, except for the sex, send her to this website. Let her see what you've been exploring. It doesnt' sound like you'd have much to lose. On the other hand, you know your situation. Bottom line, sex should be the last thing in the continuum of love and fun. Outside of love, it's kind of counterproductive. It can be more confusing than problem solving. I commend you for being having the courage to reach out to people on this website to state your thoughts. Probably didn't expect to get such a negative response (right? yeh... but still kind of a downer) but given the fact that you're exploring and researching before you make a decision, I truly believe that you'll fare well and make choices based on wisdom. I wish you the best of luck, my friend.