[crazykatie]

Well, since I am on a roll with the situational questions, I have another and it is a bit more delicate...

Since we have been swinging, we have played with four couples.

With our first couple, the guy either came while he was eating me or had difficulty getting an erection. Whichever, when we tried intercourse, he had trouble getting and keeping a hard erection. He seemed embarrassed and they wanted to end the evening (though we thoroughly enjoyed them).

Our second couple, the guy was incredibly long lasting. In fact, too long lasting in my book. To quantify this, he was at it continuously for a solid 25 minutes in five different positions. They are both seasoned swingers. We took a break and played some more, and some more. It was a great time.

Our third and fourth couples we met at a house party. Both of the guys were what I think of as average (though I know no such thing exists). They were at intercourse for about five to seven minutes or so. I encouraged them to cum since I really get off on feeling that even though I do not always orgasm.

We have played several times with the last three couples.

Here is the question. My husband has become increasingly concerned about his ability to please the women with whom he is playing. This is a good thing, of course. Because of my preference to feel his orgasm, I have never been one to encourage him to be "long-lasting" in any sense. Frankly, once I am horny, I want him to finish quickly so that I can rub myself against the base of his cock and orgasm myself (my preferred method).

However, I may have done him a disservice. Ever since we played with the second couple the first time, he has developed a case of swinger performance anxiety. He is intensely concerned that he won't last very long first time out of the box (or in the box). On our last play date with one of the couples we met at the house party, he was so stressed about his performance that he lasted only a minute. He was unable to achieve a second erection (something I have never seen). We were playing fairly late and the couple had to leave after a short while, so there was some built in time pressure.

I see a trend developing here that is troubling. I want and need my hubby to have fun. I know his performance troubles him greatly. I come all the time with intercourse, so he has never had to work very hard with me. However since our last couple play dates, he has been trying to extend our sexual play (though my preference would be for him to climax quickly). I assume he is attempting to develop better climax control. I have tried telling him to stop pressuring himself with no luck.

I am convinced that if he feels successful in pleasing the next woman, his confidence will come back and all will be good. I am also convinced that with the pressure removed, he will quickly recover with a second erection. However, I am mindful that most lifestyle couples are looking to avoid this sort of “drama.” I mean, I had a good time with our first couple, but I would have been happier if the guy had been able to perform a little longer.

So, I am looking for insights and advice.

For the seasoned women out there, what are you looking for in a playmate? I mean, I have seen some women write that they could care less about how long the intercourse lasts as long as the man is willing to start and finish with oral sex. I know that other women are looking for guys who can perform (like the male half of the second couple we met).

Also, given that I know that my husband is concerned about his performance, how should I approach the next couple we meet? Should I/we discuss performance expectations in some way before making a decision to head to the bedroom? I mean, I think I'd feel real strange having that type of conversation.

Thanks in advance for the input.

Katie