[iapr]

The bedrock foundation for swinging is trust and intimacy between the partners of a couple and you broke that trust. In essence you "cheated" and now that trust has been damaged and the only way to repair it is to show that you are trustworthy and allow the trust issue to heal. In a way it is a form of "swinger adultry" and should be treated as such.

There are a number of issues going on here, the obvious is that you broke one of your rules. In doing that it has caused him to question his trust for you and his comfort level with that particular couple and he has valid reasons for doing both.

Another factor in this is that you did this after he was out of the room. In so doing this it may have appeared to him as if you did not want him there so you could get a piece in private without him around. Since he was not there he was not included in the decision making process for that to occur and he was not there to be part of the experience. It was something you sneaked in while his back was turned and he happened to have caught you in it. In his mind he now doesn't know what else you have done or would have done behind his back. He also doesn't know if you would have ever told him about it afterwards or if you and this guy have been or would have started keeping secrets.

Also since he has laid out the rules since the incident and said you cannot flirt or anything with this guy it is his way of telling you how to restore the trust that has been damaged and now you are arguing with him and telling him that you do not wish to break contact with this guy. So his perception of that is that you do have feelings for him and want to continue to see and flirt and give clandestine blowjobs and who knows what else with this guy. By telling him he is wrong to feel this way and is wrong to try and make you stop seeing this guy you are reinforcing his distrust for you cause you are making it appear you want to see this guy even though it is causing your husband discomfort. You are essentially disregarding his feelings and his discomfort so you can have fun with this other guy.

Keep this in mind, these are your husbands perceptions and each persons perception is their own reality even if it isn't the same reality that you perceive. So while you may think this is all just fun and games and he shouldn't take it so seriously, to him it is VERY serious.

If you want to stay married let alone continue swinging I would recommend having a real come to Jesus meeting with him and admit that you know you have betrayed his trust and find out from him in minute detail what it will take to restore his trust in you again and then follow that to the letter.

In any swinging situation each person should have full veto power and if one of the parties does not want the other to around a particular person they should have the right to say so and the other person should honor that request without further discussion. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and one should not get so attached to one person that they can't walk away from them without looking back if that person is causing discomfort to your primary partner.