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Originally Posted by lovinher Here we go again.. blaming the offended instead of the offender and pass it off as his immaturity and insecurities. |
Sorry lovinher, I have to agree with bigjoe on this one. This isn't about where to point one's finger. The lifestyle is not about placing blame. It emphasizes, rather, that each and every person is
accountable for their own actions and their own emotions. bigjoe is essentially pointing out that Larry seems to be avoiding that part. It's pretty important to recognize that it's not nice (and not fair) to impose one's problems on others. Michelle was wrong in thinking that because she didn't think it was a big deal, that voided Larry's feelings on the matter. Going forward when your partner says no (in any way, shape or form) is breaking the rules!
But it's true that two wrongs won't make things right. Larry, you've just gotten it in your head that this is important. Instead of finding out the hard way that it's not, after you've gone and screwed someone else to "get even" and
purposely and knowingly hurt Michelle, why not take some time to really ask yourself why this is so important? What is the end goal here?? To see the hurt in her eyes? To know you've purposely scarred someone you're supposed to love in an attempt to feel justice has been served? I'm sorry, but that's not my definition of love.
Do it at your own peril. You will hurt her, you will disrespect the person you are using like a piece of meat to get back at your partner, and you - will - hurt - yourself. Knowing that you have sunk to that level, that you have done such a terrible thing to others and to yourself, will make you feel like shit. When you do it, you will lose respect for yourself because you will have defined yourself as a bad person. Just try it and see if I'm wrong. Some people are able to hide it pretty well. They cover it up, swallow it down...but it doesn't ever go away. Our past is our past, and nothing you will ever wish or pray or hope will EVER take back the hurts that you've inflicted on others. Hiding it on the inside only means you've got a rotten hollow spot there. Why do that to yourself on purpose??
You got hurt. Pretty bad, too. But that's life, so suck it up. If you can't suck it up and OWN your emotions perhaps you and Michelle might be better off parting ways for a while until you can sort it out. Maybe I sound like a real unfeeling bitch about this, but I don't believe in being permissive about someone using hurt and anger as an excuse to lash out at others. If your feelings are too big for you to handle and you feel you're going to hurt someone because of them, then you need to make a conscious decision to love that person enough to get away from her...until you can learn to separate your emotions from the decision making process.
I'm not sure how Michelle feels about all this. Is she truly sorry for what she did, or does she still feel you're making a big deal out of nothing? Because if it's the latter, she's going to need to some enlightenment. I just don't think that sticking your dick in another woman is going to help. At all. Time and talking are about the only cure I know of.