[DBL D]

It has probably happened to most of us...heat of the moment thing. Fem D and I have both broken our "rules" and it really puts a damper on things after it happens.

Alot of us think that the "rules" are just guidelines and some of us think they are like the 10 Commandments. You find out real quick if you can handle sexual things well or not.

A few of the things I've learned:

1) Respect for each other is most important.

2) If one of you is way ahead of the other in your beliefs about how you want your life in the lifestyle to be, and your SO never seems to "grow", in your opinion, you will find it takes a lot longer to get there. Patience is one thing that is asked for most in the early going. Your wife should respect that.

3) You can forgive and move on if you really want the lifestyyle to be part of your life. Your wife may be thinking that swinging isn't for you because you are having such a hard time. Perhaps you should take a break.

4) Seems like swinging is a constant compromise. Couples will say how they want others to help them with fulfilling their fantasies...but that is usually a compromise in itself. Then you get with a couple and find that they also have different ideas about things, and you discuss rules. And your heart starts to sink. You think you'll never get what you want and your SO doesn't seem to notice your frustration. At the same time, you may not see the slower ones "progress" if you are so into what You want. You see, we all have at least 2 types of fantasies...Those we see for us as a couple and the individual fantasies that our mates will never help you (or doesn't want you to) realize. If you decide that you are giving each other sexual freedom to fulfill your own fantasies, you still have to have rules so you can trust each other during those times.

5) I used to think that swingers were the most open of people. I don't think that anymore. I've seen too many good looking people, through their profiles, who just don't communicate well. If anyone should be on the same page, it's you two. Maybe a break would work...probably not. When most people take a break, they don't talk about swinging; it's all about "getting back into each other" so there is a lag when you do start to want to play again. While most say they understand the need to take a break, it's usually a red flag to them and you may have to start over again in your searches.

6) Swinging just doesn't work for all who want to swing (we know it won't work for most vanilla folks) and it's usually because of the fact that one or the other can't really handle seeing their mate with someone else or you can't reach an acceptable compromise between you. Be honest with each other in what you are looking for. Tell your SO your fantasies and fears and work through them. If you find that one of you is hesitant to do that...well, that's not too good.

It is really late so I'm not sure how cohesive my statements are going to look, but maybe you can garner something from them.

Good luck to ya anyway.

Male D