 Re: Too Much Happenned
Thanks to everyone for your responses. I know what I should do, which is forgive and forget. But I'm just not there yet. She tells me she doesn't remember any of it, that it was all the booze. I believe her when she tells me it would never happen again (I'm not so sure about not remembering any of it. Its a little frustrating. She says she remembers me talking to her after the first time, and then thats it. If she doesn't remember, she can't tell me why, what she was thinking, what was going through her head. Although I'm pretty sure the brutally honest answer would be that she was just real horny and didn't want to stop. So thats just my insecurities bubbling to the surface). She's upset that I can't move past it. She and I are very different that way. She does get past things like this easier. They linger longer with me. I'm sure its my problem. It probably is my own insecurities. But I just can't shake it yet. I know I wasn't ready for this "what-if". Its a movie I play over and over in my head.
Michelle is my GF, not wife. So we don't live together. So I'm not forced to share a bed, which might force us to hash it out. I'm not really looking for any more advice. Its something I need to come to peace with one way or the other in my own heart. I don't know how this story ends. To those of you who think I am totally unfairly punishing Michelle, and I am being a total asshole, I don't disagree with you. I know she doesn't love me less. I know at this point its my fault for not being able to handle this in the way I should. But I'm not doing this (at this point anyway) to punish her. If I blow this, its my fault now, and my loss. But a solution that makes so much sense on paper just isn't making it from my brain to my heart. Maybe it will, but this type of thing always takes me a while to deal with. General depressive personality I guess. Usually when I want to, I can fight these moods. I don't think I'm trying too hard right now.
Thanks again for everyone's responses.
Larry |