[WesternSwing]

That's a good point, bigjoehd.

Another good question to ask is:

1) Why would I love her different for having sex with another guy? and

2) Would I love my wife any different if I had sex with another woman?

Are you going to love your wife less if she has had sex with someone else? If the answer to this is "yes" then you should be nowhere near the Lifestyle. And why would you love her less? What is is about it that shatters your world and your perception of her? Why would you think less of her?

Would you love her less, or different, if you have sex with another woman? I'll bet you'll say "no". Then why would you think her love for you would be less because she had sex with another man? Isn't this discounting her intelligence? Do you think she is not as smart as you? Do you think she is too dumb to separate love and sex like you can?

Neither is really fair to her. It really IS your own insecurity. Jealousy is insecurity in disguise. It's the fear that someone else will be preferred over you. It's thinking you are not as good as someone else, or that someone else could hold more value to your spouse than you do.

I know you're hurting. You need to talk to her about it, though. You both need to talk calmly and without judgment of each other. It'll be tough because you're hurt and she'll be defensive.

Remember, though, its not the issues that define a relationship, it's the way you handle them as a couple.

Mr. WS