[EvilMJ]

I think going out and having sex with other women at this point would be a mistake. If it were just a matter of you not being sure that you could handle seeing her with other men, then it might be a good idea, however that does not deal with some other major issues at this point.

1. The obvious lack of trust and respect. You make rules (I have no idea if this was together or not), you both agree to them, then when she feels like it breaks them, twice, even after you have told her it bothers you. Then she tells you it is not a big deal when you confront her with your concerns, as you were getting oral..etc. You need to feel you can trust your partner, and that they love and respect you. If you don’t have that, then things are going to get worse.

2. Drinking – as someone said it is often used as an excuse. If can honestly answer a question with “ I Think maybe it did happen” then you are drinking too much and are using it as your ‘get out of jail free’ card.

The point of agreeing on what you will and won’t do is so this very situation doesn’t come about. Someone feeling hurt, left out and betrayed. If she wanted to have full swap that needed to be worked out well in advance of even leaving the house. I don’t think the problem you are having is totally about seeing her with other men at this point, but this definitely isn’t the way to find out. When you are ready you can take that next step together
My favorite comment is that swinging is for fun, and if it is not fun then why do it. We all make mistakes, do stupid things from time to time, and since I can only get your side of the story at this point I can’t say how she felt. But from what I have read it sounds like she had her fun, and really doesn’t seem concerned that you were hurt in the process and used the whole ‘you were getting oral’ excuse as a way to justify her actions.

I think you need to work this before going further. It may take 2 minutes, or it may take a year but it is important to make sure you have the strong base of trust, respect, and communication before going further.