[trinigemini]

I guess I may have given some of you the wrong idea of my FH. He is not pushing swinging. I mean it is something that he has done in the past and would do again....but in no way is he forcing me to do it. I guess this all just came up recently when we were looking at honeymoon places....I suggested hedonism....I was my idea.....at the time it seemed likea great one...I've always loved the idea of swinging and just assumed thaT i would be Alright with it. However it was after he started thinking about it too that I got squemish....to me swinging was all good in my head when he was all mine with people added who were also just into me.....but the thought of him with anyone else drives me crazy....Now i know its not fair...but it the way I am feeling now.....FH has consistently said that swinging is not something that we need to do.......so this whole thing is really just about me...I guess I am tryingto understand myself.....how can I be OK with swinging or the idea of it for such a long time,.....and now that I have found a guy who is willing to do so let it drive me crazy with jelaousy...its true i have never loved anyone the way I love FH and I think I'm scared of losing him...whereas with other men I didnt really care If i lost them in the process. FH is a great man and he does love me.....most days I know this.....however I seem to be very Insecure and need reassurance all the time.....now to show how ridiculous I am being ...because I am......FH is the kind of guy who makes me dinner every night, and before he sits pulls out my chair, places my napkin on my lap and kisses me.......EVERY TIME. He also tries his best to fullfill my every need....I'm in school and last summer he paid for my tuition (wasnt covered by my scholarship or financial aid), he takes me on vacations (our fourth date was to the bahamas) He loves my dog as much as I do and treats her so wonderfully(very big deal to me), he entertains my friends and all in all is just a fabulous man,very sweet and thoughtful) NO the problem in our relationship is ALL me. I dontwant him treating anyone else the way he treats me....it would make it not special anymore. I am not used to this....or the feelings I am having....FH tries his best to make me happy. I am on this board to try and figure outmy own malfunctions so that hopefully oneday I will get over my insecurities and be able to fulfill FH fantasy without breaking my heart. I've been reading forums and have received from very good advice myself.....I just dont know that it will ever turn me on to see the man of my dreams fuck another woman.....I may get to the point where it does not kill me....but enjoy it I doubt very much.