[trinigemini]

Thank You so Much....Intuition you have given me alot to think about. And you can be sure I will. I have tried speaking to FH about this stuff but he seems to get annoyed by the questions and defensive. Its kind of why I turned here. I think one of my problems is that i don't truly believe that he loves me. I have other men In my life that truly do love me and I know they do because I have been with them for many many years. I think with FH things moved so fast that i no longer know what to believe. We've known each other for a little more than a year. We actually met after hurricane wilma. We had been talking online for about 5 months and I finally had time to meet him. He was the most romantic man I've ever met......but now I find myself asking how much of what he did for me he did for other women, I fell in love with the romance and I'm just afraid that seeing himbe like that with other women will just take that away from me. For instance he says I love you to so many people that when he says it to me it just does not mean much. It means more when he does sweet things....but does the meaning diminish knowing hes done them for others and its just his way....I know these are only questions that I can answer...but to be honest posting here has helped me to access some things i dont think I would have otherwise. I guess i should also say that I have grown up in a very dysfunctional family and have always had a problem with "LOVE". I've treated men like toys using them when i see fit and then disregarding them without a thought. Maybe this whole thing is payback ....bad Karma....my insecurities I mean ...not swinging is bad. i do think we will get into it one day. I just think I need to truly feel he loves me first. So I dont think I will disappear from this board as has been suggested. Most of my sexual fantasies involve more than one person.....so I dont think I can say for sure that swinging will neve be my thing. I just think I personally have issues that have to be dealt with.