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Originally Posted by Sentinel My point is this, however: how does one go from meeting groups of friends & having lots of naked, sweaty fun *after* hanging out & shooting pool & generally doing what friends do, to hanging out with "vanilla" friends?? That seems like taking a step backwards to me, like going from a state of the art high definition television to a basic tube... with rabbit ears! I need to reconcile this and somehow adjust to it, because I'm fairly sure my wife will not go in the other direction. I respect her decision, I will not cheat on my wife, so an adjustment needs to be made on my part. That's where the counsellor comes in. |
There is a middle ground. I agree that it is very difficult to go back to hanging out with vanilla people after you've gotten used to the open-mindedness of swingers. I also come from a similar situation as you. I was an active swinger with my ex-husband. I got used to the dynamics of swinging and I enjoy them, but moreso I enjoy the people. In the last few years I haven't been actively swinging but my core friends are still swingers. When I started dating my current guy I was very open with him about my swinging past and interests and from the beginning it was an open topic. We regularly go to socials now and he enjoys the people as much as I do and says the same thing, that he'd much rather hang out with swingers than vanilla people. HOWEVER, he is (at this point) on much the same level as your wife, he's not ready to swing. He'll go to the socials, he'll watch me flirt and even do some flirting himself. I'm pretty happy that he's willing to go this far considering that all of this was something he never gave a thought to before I brought it up. I don't know that he will ever be ready to actually swing, or even to have sex in the same room with another couple (and if/when that happens I do think it will have to be a spontanious thing and not something that's been planned - but referencing TNT's recent post while it will be spontanious it won't be something that hasn't been discussed quite a bit).
It's important to be thankful for what you do have. And it's important to remember that as in my situation, this whole concept is something that was new to your wife when you brought it up. Yes, you've had a little longer for her to acclimate to the idea than I have... but she has acclimated quite well. She may never be ready to have sex in the same room with another couple, let alone swap partners, but enjoy what you do have. You do have a wife who is willing to hang out with swingers and enjoy the openness and attitude that swingers share.
What is it that you really want?