Rob ~
There has been plenty of discussion on the Board about how you can't pressure a wife into doing something she is not comfortable with. The subject of "pressure" usually focuses on getting your spouse to swing. But I think there may be another pressure to consider in your case - the pressure you may be under resulting from your wife agreeing to go to swinger clubs while you watch her go topless and even nude in front of everyone.
I have to ask you, does her activity at the club put pressure on you? Does her look-at-me-but-you-can't-touch attitude cause you greater "desire" to swing? If so, I think you're under great pressure, and unfairly so.
What if you never went to clubs again, do you feel your desire to swing would wane?
What if you told your wife you never want to go to clubs again because it puts too much pressure on you, would she agree and honor your request without resentment?
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Originally Posted by sereneiders ...perhaps the fundamental difference you both have isn't about theoretical concepts of love and intimacy, but about something that could be going on right now, in your everyday life, and if I am right and it is there, is very likely that it is interferring in your relationship, even beyond the "to swing or not to swing" question, and for sure afecting the question's outcome. |
I agree with sereneiders, you should look at your personal relationship and explore that first, together. Put the partying at the clubs on hold.
I don't think going through counseling right now is the best starting point. Start at home, you and your wife talking about your sexual relationship and life together - not about how you can fit swinging into it. From there decide if you need counseling
together, not just you alone.
LM