titanic, I am so sorry to hear of the split. I just came across this thread, and was reading up and thought I would share what happened to me and my husband.
Spoo, I believe hit the nail on the head with the definition of her comments. Reading your post I thought that perhaps my husband was talking about our marraige as it used to be a few years ago. I went to him and asked him if it was him just to be sure.
But I used those same lines nearly 5 years ago, when I had a "friend" that I also happened to be cheating with. When my husband sat down with me and told me that I was to stop communicating with this friend immediately (he suspected at the time but was not sure) I put up a damn good fight.
Then my husband did the one thing I am truly grateful for. He packed a bag, set it by the door and said "Either you call tommorrow and get us in to see a counselor, or when I leave for work and take this bag with me, I won't be back. I love you, I love our children, I love our marraige, BUT I DESERVE BETTER." Next day, found a counselor, and over the next several months changed counselors in order to find the right one for us. We did and went to him for a year. We found the core root of our problem. For us it was I was self-destructive. I did not believe that I deserved to be happy.
We fixed our marraige and are happier now than most we know. It took a lot of blood, sweat, work, searching for our deepest secrets and fears, and yes a whole lot of tears. But it was worth it. But I had to be willing to do the work. It doesn't sound as if your wife was willing to do the work. Yes, at the time I was willing to do the work for the sake of our children. Now I do the work for ME. Sometimes marraiges fail, because one or the other isn't willing to work for it. So in other words, chin up, and don't let it get you down. Whether you and your wife end up back together or divorced, I do not know, but things have a funny way of working out for the best.
All my best wishes,
MLK