I think that becoming friends first, getting to know each other, light flirting going to secuctive flirting, is a most enjoyable foreplay in itself. And, I enjoy an extended foreplay.
Of the six couples that my wife and I have swung (is that a correct word?) with the most beautiful wife of them all wasn't my friend first, and I enjoyed my times with her the least because of it.
We're all different and we all enjoy swinging differently. Maybe, Darkblue, you and your wife can seek out similar couples and you and the wife can go right at it while your wife and the other husband can take their time?