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Originally Posted by MrsVan They were a soft swap couple where MrVan and I enjoy full swap.
.... So the other weekend, we had them over and went out to dinner. We played some pool, relaxed in the hot tub and as things got hot we then went to the bedroom to play. Things were going really well and MrVan had asked her if it was okay that he have sex with her and she said "yes" so after a while of them going at it, I asked the wife if it was okay that I had her husband and she said "yes". Things got rough for the wife as it was the first time she had watched the husband with someone else. Again completely understandable and therefore we all stopped and layed around, cuddled and just talked. We would never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or feel any pressure from us so we called it quits. No problem.Things seemed to have been going really well while we laid around talking. They had planned on staying the night at our house and well, after we all went to bed we heard a knock on our bedroom door and it was the husband saying they were just going to head out. Things seemed to have went really well and I thought MrVan and I handled the situation well but now I am confused as to what happened. Since then we have not talked to them. I have sent her an email also tried to IM them and they do not respond. MrVan has talked with her briefly and the husband. But I do not understand what happened? |
Hi MrsVan,
I think this is pretty common for newbies after their first full swap, even if it went pretty well from your perspective. People just never
really know what it's going to feel like to see their spouse engaged in sex with somebody else. You mentioned that things got "rough" for the wife, so she pulled the plug on the activities, even after she'd said yes. I understand that there was some warm and friendly communicating afterward, but I'll bet that she was struggling emotionally with the whole full-swap thing and all the mix of feelings that comes with that. I feel they left early because they just needed to be alone together and start sorting through how they feel about it (especially her). This is something they need to do privately as a couple.
It's very common for couples like this to need time away from swinging and chatting with swing friends, because they're
confused to some degree about how they feel. It takes a bit of time to sort through it, and they'd rather communicate with you when they're more clear about it, themselves. (I understand that because I've been there.) This happens often even if they
really like you and even enjoyed the activity with you, in the moment. But that doesn't mean they don't still have feelings to sort through. They may be feeling a sense of embarrasment or awkwardness right now too, because they pulled the plug after saying yes, and because they may be unsure now about what they want to do in the future. Maybe full swap isn't for them. If that's the case, they may think that you four can't go back to what it was before you tried full swap. There could be many reasons that are really about
them, not about you.
Since it sounds like you really cared about them, you might want to give them a little space for a couple of weeks or so, and then write them a sincere note about how you valued the fun times and the friendship, and that even if they don't care to try full swap again, you'd like to ____. (Whatever you and MrVan feel you'd like to continue with them.) It may ease their mind and get them past being embarrassed or awkward about how things didn't work out when you got together. From their perspective, they may feel that they "failed", or messed things up, or something like that. Even though you and MrVan were cool with stopping things and had a nice talk after, they still may be feeling all sorts of things that have nothing to do with you two, just things
they're working out.
Big hugs, TS