Friendship is - by far - the most frustrating part of the lifestyle. When we got into this, we had Utopian ideas of just what the lifestyle would be about
: a couple our two that we were close to, that we could hang out with and play with and just have the "normal" type of friendship that it seems everyone else enjoys...
It has simply not worked out that way.
It has been disheartening like you wouldn't believe! Our favorite people (couples and singles) all live a significant distance away - some even living far enough to require airfare. You'd think that as active a town as Columbus, Ohio is for the lifestyle - and as social and (typically) available as we are - friendships would happen... Especially after three and a half years.
There have been times when we have thought we'd found it right here in our backyard, but something always seems to happen. And - yeah - it starts to make you think that maybe you are socially defective (I still have that insecurity, if I were to be honest).
What we have learned is this:
1. People are busy. We don't have children in the house and should have all the time in the world. Still we find ourselves overwhelmed and wondering where the weeks went between e-mail and phone calls with friends. Couples with children and other time demands just amaze me that they can juggle it all to get out at all!
2. Couples are looking for different things and sex complicates the connection. Maybe you find a couple who you really connect with vertically, but yet, they are really into bi-sexual play for her. Suddenly what might be a great vanilla friendship is complicated by sex. Jealousy, desire, interests askew... It is so much tougher to put it all together with another lifestyle couple.
3. Lifestyle folks are not all looking for friendship. Some really do want to keep you at arm's length for whatever reason. It is what makes the lifestyle comfortable for them and it is just the way they are going to do it. Sex and friendship is uncomfortable and what they want is really just convenient fuck toys. Nothing wrong with that - but if you are looking for friendship - you have a good sized chunk of the community that just doesn't share your interest in that.
4. Friendship itself can complicate things in that some couples get weird when you don't want to be exclusive. This is a really weird thing that we have found. Everything else works - but the minute they find out that you might have looked at another couple... :rollseyes
*shiver*...
It sounds like you guys stumbled over point #2.
Like you guys - we are still looking for that elusive couple that fits perfectly: sexually exciting, vertically enjoyable and within a stone's throw.
It sure is hard not to become jaded after a while
Spoomonkey