[lookingfornow]

Hello. We could really feel your pain in your posting so we decided to jump in with our two cents.

It sounds to us like you are looking for good, good friends-with-benefits. In our experience, that is a very, very hard role to find couples to fill.

In our view, here is why...

What you are searching for depends upon nearly perfect chemistry not just between two people, but between all four and in all four directions. That means that your hubby and the other wife need to be compatible, you have to be compatible with the other hubby, you have to hit it off with the other wife and your hubby has to hit it off with the other hubby. If the chemistry is not perfect, then one or another of the primary relationships is threatened. For example, if you hit is off with the other hubby but your hubby doesn't mesh equally well with the other wife, it is likely that both your hubby and the other wife will feel a little like they are on the outside looking in. In our experience, the wife will then feel as though her husband's relationship with you is a threat to her own relationship with her husband. She will then decide to pull her hubby away from you and end the relationship.

In short, any inbalance in the relationships tends to cause the group to disband.

Your search is made more difficult because there is a substantial number of people in the lifestyle that are not as interested in being very, very good friends with their swing partners. I guess we would fall into that category. I mean, we really like and enjoy everyone with whom we have played. But, we are not looking to take our bedroom relationship into the vanilla world. There are a couple of couples that we have become friendly with, but that friendship was not the objective of our getting together in the first place.

Also, some swingers that we have met are defintely avoiding the type of ongoing relationship that you appear to be seeking. This group of couples (and, I guess we would be among them) is looking for playmates first and really don't want any ongoing entanglements. One couple that we have recently met and intend to play with in the next few weeks put it very simply--the more you get to know some people, the more "warts" you tend to find. Candidly, we were a bit stunned by such a frank statement, but we both had to agree somewhat with the observation.

You guys are a great looking couple and your profile and pictures exude personality and a fun loving nature. You should have plenty of options for playing (for example--if you are ever up in Cleveland....). So, our suggestion would be to tune down the desire for immediate friendships and relationships and increase the focus on just plain sexual fun. We are not suggesting that you play with everyone all the time. But, maybe, if you set up a larger number of play dates with a variety of couples and take the emphasis off the immediate conversion into life long friends, you will have a better chance of finding what you seek.

We think, over time, you are bound to find that one or those two couples who have the same interests as you and with whom you will have the requisite balance of mutual physical and emotional interest.