We have been there too. Only it was my husband that wasn't attracted to the female part. We have talked and have decided that would have to be upfront with a couple next time.
Guess what I'm saying is communication is the key. Make sure all parties are in agreement. Really not sure how we will handle it next time, but as long we are honest with each other and the other couple, we will come to an answer.
Know this isn't a cut and dry answer but each experience is different.
Rhonda
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