Hi Bx, welcome to the board!
I'm just reading through and I'd like to add to Chicup's post:
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Originally Posted by Chicup Very young + unstable relationship + swinging [+ a military lifestyle] = bad mojo |
A friend of mine is a military wife. She said that she's the only one she knows at her playgroup that ISN'T on Prozac. I don't know personally, but through my friendship with her, I can say that military families have stresses and problems that many others never have to deal with. For example, not worrying so much about which day your husband will be home, but whether he'll be home at all? And all those weeks - or even months! - of separation leads to estrangement of sorts. You only need to deal with the squeeze-the-tube-in-the-middle/squeeze-from-the-end problem a fraction of the time. It's no wonder you grate on one another's nerves, when you haven't had enough time together to wear all the rough edges off each other. And the stress of coming home from a whole different world to a world of apple pie and kids playing on the monkey bars must be like stepping into the twilight zone. I can imagine how it must add to the sense of apartness when "you couldn't possibly understand" what he's going through, and "he couldn't possibly understand" what YOU'RE going through. It's a whole different culture from the 9-5'ers.
Swinging apparently has some of its roots in the air force. During WWII, pilots had among the highest mortality rate (something like 2 out of every 3 pilots died). They developed very strong bonds between one another and between their families. It was sort of a way of ensuring that their wives would be taken care of should anything happen to them. Is it true? I don't know. Sounds a bit more like polyamory than swinging anyway. But I just thought I'd throw that out there.
I can't say that swinging will or won't work for you; that's up to the two of you. I will say that it's probably going to require significantly more effort to keep your heads above water when you're starting with your boat 3/4 full. Clear, concise, honest communication is the only way that's going to happen. Say what you're really thinking, don't be afraid of the truth, don't get defensive, be kind, and expect respect and kindness in return. You're afraid he's going to think you're interrogating him? Tell him so! Focus on your true feelings: You love him and value your relationship above all else, and you don't want a lack of communication to get in the way of that...ever! You tell him, "I have some questions and fears that I'd like your help alleviating, but I'm afraid to talk to you because I don't want you to think I'm interrogating you." It's a bit like looking at a landslide that's blocking the road. Don't stumble over the rubble trying to move boulders; move the little rocks first so that you have good footing. THEN you can put your backs into moving the BIG problems. Make no mistake: you two are in for a lot of work, but the hurt you feel at the end of the day is a very good hurt because you've moved some serious shit out of your way.