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Originally Posted by JustFun Well we've definately already stopped. If I even mention this to her at all it starts a fight. The last time I brought it up I simply shared a fantasy idea with her and she got upset and asked me "We're not going to go through this again are we?". |
Its possible that she feels pressured by you bringing it up. Not that you have pressured her intentionally, just that she might feel that way. Its difficult to have conversations like this without making the other person feel pressure. Make sure you choose your words carefully and explain to her that you are not trying to pressure her, but simply understand the why she wants to stop.
Hopefully you two can communicate about this until the reason for stopping comes out.
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Originally Posted by JustFun I really do think it was this couple that scared her away, but she doesnt use them as a reason against it. To her it's more like it's just not proper to do this. To the point that anyone who chooses to do it is a nutcase, in her opinion. She had allowed herself to enjoy it for a little while and then clammed up right after the other guy was being a total jerk. |
It could be the other couple that put her off. It honestly could be that she did this for a while and come away from it feeling dirty and cheap. Its important that both of you are honest with each other. Have her come here and look over your posts. It might help her see your point of view easier. Sometimes we as humans are more open with others and give more details than we would with our spouse, whom we assume should just "know". If it is a matter of people in the lifestyle are jerks, she will get to know alot of people here that are not jerks. If its a matter of feeling dirty, then perhaps her posting here on this board about her feelings will generate responses from other women who have been through the same thing, which might help her out.
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Originally Posted by JustFun The problem I have is everyone here seems to think it's just easy to give this up if the other person isnt interested. I don't understand how this is any different from being gay. If this is your sexual preference then so be it, good for you. Can you expect someone else to be like you if they're not? No, of course not. But why is it OK for someone else to expect you to not be this way and that be OK? Honestly, expecting a person to not be interested in swinging when they are is no different then a social conservative expecting gay people not to be gay, in my opinion. I have the right to feel this way and I dont want to stop. I know I can't expect my wife to join me but at the same time I feel like she doesn't love me the same way I love her because she can't accept me for who I am. |
For us if one of us wanted out, its very simply this case. If one wants out we get out. Its that easy. But those are the actions. That by no means refers to the feelings. Would the one who wanted out expect the one who didn't to just quit wanting to swing? For us, no this isn't the case. I would expect my husband to stop, but I would not expect him to stop wanting. That I feel would be unreasonable. Its just like separating sex from love when you enter the lifestyle. When you exit, you separate the participation from the want. Over time, perhaps wanting it does not take up too much thinking time.