[mandw2]

I am new to this site and lifestyle, but I'll go ahead and jump in.

I don't agree that your wife is trying to replace you or that she has one foot out the door. It is my guess that you are a wonderful husband, her best friend, a good provider, and if kids are involved, a good dad. If this were not the case, she would have already left. I do believe she is trying to fill a void that is not being filled at home.

Communication is going to be the key to moving from this dark place. I agree a counselor could offer non-bias opinions and in-site, but you should find someone who supports the swinger lifestyle or it may be more disctructive then good.

She has given you two very valuable pieces of information:
She "connects" with this other person/couple. HOW do they connect? Do they share the same fantasies, desires? Is she more comfortable discussing her fantasies with this other couple, because she does not want to risk rejection from you, the person she needs acceptance from the most?

She "does not want to loose the firendship" of this other person/couple. Does she enjoy the attention of someone "new". Someone other than her husband who "has" to tell her she is beautiful. Do they share other interestes outside of sex?

I agree you need to tell this other couple to leave your wife alone. And you should tell your wife you would like to stop swinging until you are in a better place in your marriage. It will be my guess that she will feel trapped and that you are trying to control her. Your job will be to let her feel these feelings, but at the same time listen to her about WHY she feels trapped. What was it about this other person/couple that was so inticing to her? Then work to fill that void yourself.

Try to remember when you were dating and first married. You both made a huge effort to please the other, to look nice, to do things that interested your mate. After 10 years of marriage it is easy to slip into a comfortable rut of doing the minimal. Try and tap back into what worked for you both in the begining. Love notes, flowers for no reason, spontanous weekend trips, special evenings out. Take her shopping, select outfits you would like to see her in. While most men would rather place hot pokers in their eyes instead of shopping, the dressing room can be a very erotic place and excellent foreplay. In a bit, she should start to do special things for you, just as she did when you were first married.

Try and fulfill as much of her fanatsies as you can. Create an enviroment in which she feels safe sharing her desires, trusting you not to judge her. If she has a fantasy that really does not do it for you, when your marriage is in a better place, arrange for the fantasy to happen either with or without you, stressing your desire for her happiness.

Best of luck to you. With some work, you will be able to move forward from this place and enjoy each other again.

MandW