I'll take a shot...
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Originally Posted by titanicmale 1. "It's not that I don't love you." |
She is prepping you here for her very wonky definition of what love is. For her, it is little more than a word that softens the blow for her to say something else. It would be just as empty if a judge said at the end of a trial, "It's not that I don't love you, but I think twenty-five to life is just best for all concerned."
What she is saying here is that you must be prepared to take everything she says from this point on without argument and without discussion. No matter what she says next, whether she tells you she has neutered your dog to slept with the mailman it is all in spite of the fact that she really does love you...
Or, at least, it makes her feel better to say she does...
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Originally Posted by titanicmale 2. "I love you, but I'm not sure I'm in love with you." |
Translation: "My approach to serious, romantic love is to spout meaningless cliché." It might mean that she spends to much time at
this site.
For her, there is definitely two distinct types of love - the kind you say you are in to soften arguments and the kind that makes your junk gooey. Sadly, neither is
really love - and she is either just dancing around the subject or she is sincerely not mature enough to really say what she is thinking.
Love, but not in love? Shit, but not shat...
:rollseyes
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Originally Posted by titanicmale 3. "He and I have a connection." |
"He makes my junk gooey..."
Frankly, it sounds like she was looking for an excuse to jump ship and this guy is only a dick-bearing version of a convenient excuse. And what this says to me, based on what else you have written is that she would have just as likely had a connection with a bag of cat nip - just as long as she didn't have to reach any farther than her "cliché-a-day" desk calendar to discuss what it really bugging her...
So maybe what she is really saying is, "he is not really the reason I am drifting away from you, it is just easier for me to say that he is rather than actually dig deep, be honest, and tell you what has been bothering me for some time."
She might also be saying, "I am emotionally stunted and a relational coward. I want things between us to dissolve - and instead of telling you why or admitting where I might have screwed up - I am going to put the blame on dick-bearer over there."
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Originally Posted by titanicmale 4. She doesn't want to give up his "friendship". |
"The fact that he makes my junk gooey trumps everything we might have had for however many years."
She doesn't want to give up his friendship, but she is willing to give up her marriage? In the words of the Guinness guys, "Brilliant!"
Hell - I don't want to give up chocolate, but it makes me farty. Sometimes in life you have to sacrifice. And I don't think marriage should have to be a matter of "sacrifice" but she sure is willing to toss it up on the altar for a little "friendship".
I agree with what everyone has said - counseling. You need to get her to talk about what it is that is bugging her; just what is it that is eating through your marriage? I am not saying that it will or should save it - sometimes marriages simply don't work - but I am saying that at the very least it will give you the chance to have her tell you the truth - and not just spout the kind of bullshit that - for most of us - was tired and over-used by the time we reached tenth grade...
Spoomonkey