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Originally Posted by mnsnen The fact that he is really willing to throw everything away for sex with other women shows how big his problem really is. |
This sums it up nicely.
I can appreciate what you are saying about your feelings for your husband. He's someone you give love to, not someone you are looking for love from.
Cheating is a horribly destructive thing. It shreds our trust in one another, it breaks hearts, and it does a thorough job of destroying one's own sense of self-worth. No wonder he keeps telling you you're better off without him...because you know what?...the sad truth is that he's right. He is not proving himself to be worthy of the kind of love you are trying to give him. This kind of harsh reality is something that, once realized, will either destroy him or give him a place to start from, to move as far away from that negativity as possible. I think perhaps it does a bit of both. They say once a cheater always a cheater, but it's not true. It's just rare to see one change, because the only way for them to truly change is to realize exactly what their behaviour has done: it has defined them as unworthy people, and they have done it to themselves. They are no one's victim. They have beaten and raped their own selves, and have no one else to blame for it.
It's much easier for your husband to continue the status quo, simply accepting that he's a bad person, and as such, does not expect any better of himself. He feels that he's lower than dogshit on your shoe, and always will be. So why bother
trying to be good? It's just so much easier to go on being his bad self. And why not? Depression is very easy.
In retrospect, I take back what I said about looking into swinging. Don't even go near it right now. Step 1: Mr. mnsnen needs to get himself together. Step 2: Get your relationship together. Step 3: Start thinking about swinging. I don't envy you two. You have your work cut out for you.