The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Ultimatum: Let me sleep with another woman or I'm leaving

Mrs.PaganLovers · 11-21-2006, 12:17 PM

Ok, let me first say, that you can't help him. As with any addiction, the person with the addiction has to make the decision that they want help, and so far it doesn't sound like he wants to change anything about himself. There are 12 step programs for sex addicts, look in your local yellow pages for 12 step programs, if he is interested, you can give him the information.

Now, on to you, there are also programs out there for those that live with people that have addictions, again call the phone #'s and ask for help for yourself.
Some people really have to lose everything before they make a decision to try to get help. At this time you will be enabling him, if you go along with him, and allow him to make decisions for you that you don't feel are right for you.
What you are proposing by going along with swinging, knowing it isn't what you want, isn't swinging. You are being drug into it against your will to hold on to a man. In my case, my husband and I have a fantastic life together, loving, beautiful, and our sex life together is the best I have ever had! Swinging enhances our sex life, it doesn't fix it.
Sometimes people go into programs to fix themselves so they can get their SO back, and when they get into the program and start getting mentally healthy, they realize what a messed up relationship they had and they don't want it back. They can then move on to someone that can really love them for what and who they are without the drama, and ultimatiums.

I am glad you came by for help, but I truly hope you will get help for yourself first. Please drag out your phone book and look up your local 12 step programs.

Blessings
Mrs. PL

11-21-2006, 12:17 PM	#18 (permalink)
Mrs.PaganLovers Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 246 Location: In my house Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:paganlovers	Re: So confused!!! (long post) Ok, let me first say, that you can't help him. As with any addiction, the person with the addiction has to make the decision that they want help, and so far it doesn't sound like he wants to change anything about himself. There are 12 step programs for sex addicts, look in your local yellow pages for 12 step programs, if he is interested, you can give him the information. Now, on to you, there are also programs out there for those that live with people that have addictions, again call the phone #'s and ask for help for yourself. Some people really have to lose everything before they make a decision to try to get help. At this time you will be enabling him, if you go along with him, and allow him to make decisions for you that you don't feel are right for you. What you are proposing by going along with swinging, knowing it isn't what you want, isn't swinging. You are being drug into it against your will to hold on to a man. In my case, my husband and I have a fantastic life together, loving, beautiful, and our sex life together is the best I have ever had! Swinging enhances our sex life, it doesn't fix it. Sometimes people go into programs to fix themselves so they can get their SO back, and when they get into the program and start getting mentally healthy, they realize what a messed up relationship they had and they don't want it back. They can then move on to someone that can really love them for what and who they are without the drama, and ultimatiums. I am glad you came by for help, but I truly hope you will get help for yourself first. Please drag out your phone book and look up your local 12 step programs. Blessings Mrs. PL