[mnsnen]

Its me again. Thanks again for all the replies. I told him last night I just couldn't do it. That I was making the wrong choice for saying he could sleep with other women. I just feel so lost. He has a problem. I do not feel like I can say goodbye because of that. I have a problem too. I am agoraphobic. For those of you who do not know what this means..... (for me, different for others) I have such severe panic attacks that I have days that I cannot leave the house. I must always be in control of where I am/ when I can leave. I cannot hold a job. The Mr. doesn't like this. Who would. But he looks past my problem and isn't going to leave me because of it. I do know that these problems play a very different role in a relationship, but how can I just say "well, okay, goodbye...have fun sleeping around."But getting on here has made me realize that this choice he is giving me is VERY unhealthy. I knew that deep down but I guess I get deluded by my feelings. The fact that he is really willing to throw everything away for sex with other women shows how big his problem really is. He asked me this morning if I wanted him to go get an apartment. I said no. I guess I am just trying to buy time. I want to get him help. I do think he will regret it if he leaves. I know he loves me and this family. But I also know that his problem is making this choice, not him. So I feel like if he goes his problem will only escalate at a fast rate. (Nothing holding him back at all) I don't want that for him. No matter what happens with us, I will always care deeply and want the best for him. I want him to be a role model to our children. He says that if he goes he can still be a good father, but I question that. If he goes and has no one or nothing to keep him from screwing everything that winks at him he will just get worse of catch something. If he gets worse it will have to eventually change who he is even as a parent.
This all also makes me wonder if swinging would be unhealthy for him also. If he was to stay, I became comfortable with swinging, would this only be like giving a heroin addict more drugs?????
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! Why didn't I become a therapist! lol
So, I feel he NEEDS help. With me or not, he needs help. I would say even more so if he isn't with me. What steps should I take to let him know that there are people out there that really can help. He has refused help b/c he thinks its pointless. He gets on these "highs". He is on one know. Thats why he gave me this choice. I think this high will pass. Don't get me wrong, I know he will still have a problem. But, how do I get him to stay long enough to pass the high and get help. I CAN NOT just let him go. I can't watch him ruin his life. Mental problems can always get much worse. What if I let him go and 7 years from now he is so bad that he ends up raping someone? What if he catches AIDS? And I know he won't be happy. He says I deserve better. That he is tired of hurting me. But I chose him. Better or worse, till death do us part. I just can't give up on him. I still love him and he still loves me. You don't quit in that situation. Many areas of our relationship are very healthy. Just not this one. This is about it. I know its a BIG issue. But its pretty much the only one. So I guess I will put it this way.
----- He has a problem. An addiction. Lets say your spouse had an addiction. Drugs, alcohol, whatever. Would you let them go to watch them get worse? Am I only hurting myself and my family for trying to help him when he doesn't want it??????
Thanks again to everyone. This place is the BEST to vent!!!!!!!!!