This is K (the male)
First let me say I think mnsnen has already taken the first step toward changing her attitude. Reaching out on this board shows how serious she is.
I also believe that her husband's situation or desire to act on his fantasies may turn out to be not much more than just that, a fantasy. Many here will remember how excited they were on christmas morning about all of the presents. Things just couldn't have gotten much better but a week later how many of these presents sat in the way or in the closet and you were bored again?
Quote:
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"He said he wants to make this work, but he gave me an choice. Let him sleep with other women or he was leaving."
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Yes this is an ultimatum but in the interest of giving him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps it is just his acknowledgment that continuing on the way things are he believes that the chances of success are so low that he is unwilling to continue trying. I think in the end he will be sorry if he does leave. He does not yet realize that the grass is only greener on the other side of the fence because he does not have to mow, water, fertilize, weed or really do anything more than just admire it.
If I were in Mrs. mnsnen's position and seriously considering this I would demand to be a part of it in some way. I would also put anyone from "work" or either of us personally know strictly off limits. I would not want him with a woman who would accept a "cheater". If they will do that then god only knows what else they might do or what he might catch and bring home to you. I know that it may be very hard to suck up your beliefs and set out to swing together but in this situation it may be her only choice.
In the end no matter what you decide Mrs. mnsnen you will have to be the one who looks in the mirror and decide if you can live with the person staring back at you. Don't do anything that will damage your relationship with that person.