[MoonLightKiss]

Okay, first of all you BOTH (him too, so have him come read your post) need to realize that there is a BIG difference between agreeing to have an open relationship, or a swinging relationship and his ultimatum. And trust me, no matter how nicely he put it, this was an ultimatum. Anytime it is said "Either _____ or I will _____" its an ultimatum.

Let me say it is OKAY to be sexually adventurous. It is okay to not want to live a monogamous life. It is okay to sleep with people other than your spouse. It is also okay to be monogamous. It is not okay to give your spouse an ultimatum in order to get your own way. Its a form of manipulation. Agreeing to be swingers or have an open marraige relies heavily on honesty, trust, communication, and respect. Since from your post I gather none of these exist, then this won't work for you. What will happen over time is you will know where he is, resentment will build up until you are also cheating or you get divorced...or both.

You need to sit down and do some serious soul searching. Then you need to sit down with him and explain your feelings clearly. If you want a monogamous relationship, then tell him so and explain that you will not settle for less than the respect you have earned by being his wife and birthing his children. If he chooses to cheat, he chooses to live a life without you. I would also say start looking for a marraige counselor, one who is lifestyle friendly. They tend to not judge people based on their sexuality as opposed to some others. But make sure whomever you choose is a good one. Don't be afraid to shop around. Consider finding a counselor similiar to a major purchase like a home. You don't always go and buy the first one you see, and once you do buy one, years down the road, you may choose to sell it and get a different one. Don't be afraid to ask about their credentials and their counseling technique.

Good luck,
MLK