The Swingers Board - View Single Post - Ultimatum: Let me sleep with another woman or I'm leaving

mnsnen · 11-20-2006, 02:23 PM

Okay, here is my story. I have been married for 8 years. Throughout these 8 years my husband gradually opened up about who he really was sexually. At 1st he kept his mouth shut b/c it had ruined many relationships and he wanted to change. After time with me he realized that his sexual desires were not something he could change. Needless to say, he fell in love with a good girl. I have old fashioned morals and values, however, I am a very open minded person and did not judge him for his desires. It all started coming out slowly. We would talk about him watching me have sex with another man. Simple things. Then as time went by he tried to get me to sleep with another man. I had no intrest. Because I am a "good girl" he has always felt guitly for the way he is. I try to keep him secure in knowing that I do not judge him. Our relationship started going sour over time. When I was pregnant with our 2nd child he cheated. One woman, 5 times. It was just sex. It broke my heart. I was devistated. We commited to fixing our relationship and fell in love all over again. Time went by and things got sour again. He started building up a wall and not opening up to me as much about his sexual desires. I honestly thought it was a phase and it had passed so I didnt know he was claming up. Of course we drifted apart AGAIN.
Well, we almost got a divorce again. He said he wants to make this work, but he gave me an choice. Let him sleep with other women or he was leaving. He said he knows he would end up cheating. The desire is just too strong. He doesn't want to hurt me so he is giving me the choice.
Truth be told, I love the man to death. I wish he wasn't like this but it is nothing I can change. I accept him, sexuality and all. I understand that He has strong sexual desires and that his "giving me a choice" isn't him being an ass hole, but that he really can't do this anymore and he wants me to be a part of his life and is being open and honest enough to let me make the choice. I respect that.
Now I DO NOT have any idea what to do. I told him okay. That I would find it in myself to make this work. I really feel like if it is JUST SEX, that I will be okay with it. But I am TERRIFIED that it will grow to more than just sex. We haven't had the best marriage and I am insecure. I am not insecure about him finding another woman sexy, that is fine. I am insecure about him falling for someone else. I love this man with everything I have and I DO NOT want to let him do this only to get my heart broke.
SO what I want to know is.....
Is there anyone on here that is married and only one of you participates in sex with other partners? Can it work if I am not involved? What ground rules should we lay to prevent this from ruining our marriage??? I want this to play a positive role in our marriage, not destroy it but I am friggin' clueless as to how to make this work.
He wants to have sex with the women he works with. I said "UM... NO" (except for one lady) because I feel this is where it could lead to problems. Should I say no, or am I only keeping him from what he really wants??
ANY help would be greatly appreciated.

11-20-2006, 02:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
mnsnen Registered Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 4 Location: ky Status: couple	Ultimatum: Let me sleep with another woman or I'm leaving Okay, here is my story. I have been married for 8 years. Throughout these 8 years my husband gradually opened up about who he really was sexually. At 1st he kept his mouth shut b/c it had ruined many relationships and he wanted to change. After time with me he realized that his sexual desires were not something he could change. Needless to say, he fell in love with a good girl. I have old fashioned morals and values, however, I am a very open minded person and did not judge him for his desires. It all started coming out slowly. We would talk about him watching me have sex with another man. Simple things. Then as time went by he tried to get me to sleep with another man. I had no intrest. Because I am a "good girl" he has always felt guitly for the way he is. I try to keep him secure in knowing that I do not judge him. Our relationship started going sour over time. When I was pregnant with our 2nd child he cheated. One woman, 5 times. It was just sex. It broke my heart. I was devistated. We commited to fixing our relationship and fell in love all over again. Time went by and things got sour again. He started building up a wall and not opening up to me as much about his sexual desires. I honestly thought it was a phase and it had passed so I didnt know he was claming up. Of course we drifted apart AGAIN. Well, we almost got a divorce again. He said he wants to make this work, but he gave me an choice. Let him sleep with other women or he was leaving. He said he knows he would end up cheating. The desire is just too strong. He doesn't want to hurt me so he is giving me the choice. Truth be told, I love the man to death. I wish he wasn't like this but it is nothing I can change. I accept him, sexuality and all. I understand that He has strong sexual desires and that his "giving me a choice" isn't him being an ass hole, but that he really can't do this anymore and he wants me to be a part of his life and is being open and honest enough to let me make the choice. I respect that. Now I DO NOT have any idea what to do. I told him okay. That I would find it in myself to make this work. I really feel like if it is JUST SEX, that I will be okay with it. But I am TERRIFIED that it will grow to more than just sex. We haven't had the best marriage and I am insecure. I am not insecure about him finding another woman sexy, that is fine. I am insecure about him falling for someone else. I love this man with everything I have and I DO NOT want to let him do this only to get my heart broke. SO what I want to know is..... Is there anyone on here that is married and only one of you participates in sex with other partners? Can it work if I am not involved? What ground rules should we lay to prevent this from ruining our marriage??? I want this to play a positive role in our marriage, not destroy it but I am friggin' clueless as to how to make this work. He wants to have sex with the women he works with. I said "UM... NO" (except for one lady) because I feel this is where it could lead to problems. Should I say no, or am I only keeping him from what he really wants?? ANY help would be greatly appreciated.