[Darkblue]

Originally Posted by getnit2gethr

Hi Steve. I didn't understand if your wife was against it because she is afraid that you like the woman too much or if it's because she doesn't like the woman's SO.

She likes the other women quite a lot and isnt against the both of them getting it together themselves(bi)

As for the other woman and I well she knows its lust and nothing more..

@Tybee
Many thanks for your thoughts and here are some of answers

Stonger than anything you ever felt, even more than for your wife? As a wife, I would hate to hear this from my husband. Honest or not, this would hurt to hear. I think a lot of wives may feel that way.

1, the feeling of Chemistry or attraction is strong but my the love to my wife cant be touched she is and always will be my number one.. for me this is about lust not love, i like her but i love my wife more than life itself.
I have been honest with my wife and i wont hide anything from her and i would hope she would do the same(she does as far as i know )

Who's we? You and the other wife?

2,yes! we the other wife and I.

It sounds like she's probably not ready for full swap. It sounds like she wants to please you and rush along at your schedule of readiness, but she's not there. It's also possible she's not all that turned-on to this other man, the way you are turned-on to that man's wife. Has she told you WHY she doesn't want to do full swap with this man? When she's waffling on whether she'll play with that man or not, it might be her trying to talk herself into going along with all of this to please you, knowing how much you want that other woman.


3,This may well be and i wont force or even try to tell her what to do or what not to do,its has to her decision and not mine, the funny thing about this, is that she does have fantasy´s about doing swops and 3/4somes ect, she is a Pessimistic where she finds an excuse not to do something because of this or that!!I am serious people she is really bad at times,she also has to plan everything down to the last detail,and we all know you cant plan everything.

She isnt spontanious in anyway whatsoever not on bit.

As for liking the other guy!! yes she does he is just the kind of guy she likes! tall dark handsome and very considerate towards her and she even says she is attracted to him, so for me i dont see the problem being there,if i thought it was then that would change matters instantly,they have kissed and she liked it(she told me so) she chats with him and likes the way he is ect...He knows that she wont do full swop and hes fine with that as well so it wont be a question of your screwing my wife i want to screw yours situation.. we were honest with them from the start..

Many couples consider girl/girl play to be a part of soft swing.

4, i dont think this is soft swop after all lets look at it this way, i am not Bi so other than watching i wont play with the other partner would I?so to me this is full swop!! not that i am against this,far from it... i love the idea..



What have you been doing so far? I got the impression that to date she has not been with another man aside from you, and she hasn't been with a woman, either...is that right? The swinging was her idea to start with? What did she state her goals were with swinging?

What is your history with swinging, so far? Any activity at all? Just playing around or making out a little?? I don't understand where you two are in swinging right now. [/B]

5, Simple we have been to Clubs and have had swops soft swops she has gone further than i have,she has been with another girl and has had some good fun , the look on her face afterwards was a look of "god that was good i am in heaven" and i loved that look on her face!!(i wish i had taken a pic) she is very open towards Sex but always looks at the negative side of things STD,the condom might split, you name the excuse and she has said it!! never looks on the good side of things..

What rules were changed, exactly? It's typical for a couple to change rules as they go along with swinging, and after both of them have experienced things in a way that tells them both, "we don't need that rule, we've proven that to ourselves with our experiences". Have you two even really tested the waters yet, to know what rules work and what don't?

6,Our rules were simple Softswop no seperate rooms(protection for the wife if the guy got too horny for her to handle)
We also said the rules would change the further we went...

The rules have changed to
Seperate rooms,more her choice,I am fine with that as long as i know she´s safe,thats my main concern!.
I also stated from the start(before we had our first Swing experience) that i was interested in Full swop when the time came.
The wife knows that i love women and even though i love women i have never been unfaithfull to her even though the chances have been there it just isnt my thing....I could never do that to her or myself even if it waas just for the Sex...

So, you two are talking about going separately, pursuing sexual activities not as a couple but individually? This is considered pretty hardcore by many couples. It's more like an open marriage, rather than swinging. Many of us don't and won't ever go separately like that, for many reasons. We consider this something we're in together, as a couple only. There are couples that play in separate rooms, etc....but generally speaking it's considered more "advanced", for lack of a better word.

I think there needs to be a LOT more communicating and figuring out just where you're going with this, and what kind of swingers you plan to be. Virtually every couple has limits and some sort of comfort zone to work in. Yours sounds very undefined. Together? Separate conquests? I'm not following.

7,I know this does sound like an open marriage but it is far from that!! the only time we play is when were both together,ie same Club or same house and that we know where the other person is at all times, i also firmly believe that my wife can let her hair down without me watching her,( i proberly would as well as i wont do anything that she might not like)she tends to look at me and ask if its ok to give a BJ and i find that cute but its her choice not mine,if she happy to do that then thats fine by me!! we wont have a housefriend,(male or female)its someone who comes and does house visits without the other partner being present,its a common practice here in Germany but not with us..

Over the last few days she has read the forum and is getting a better idea of my thoughts and feeling maybe more so because talking is fine but she cant take it all in far too much to discuss, Like i say she likes the idea of getting laid by someone else but cant jump over her own shadow to get there i know when she does she will be kicking herself for not doing it earlier,i am serious i know her well,after 24 years together it would be a shame if i didnt!..

Many thanks guys your really helping us on this!

Steve and Susanne